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Mr Skin’s Skintastic Summer Movie Guide 2009
Where to see Hollywood’s blockbuster girls of summer without their swimsuits on.
As Memorial Day looms with beach openings, first-of-the-season barbecues, and long-awaited hot weather, so too do Hollywood’s biggest, loudest, most slam-bangingly awesome summer movie blockbusters.
And, just like everyone else, Mr Skin can hardly wait.
Each year, it seems as though the studios unleash their top-ticket titles earlier than ever. So far in 2009 we’ve already seen Star Trek, Angels & Demons, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. But the best and the barest still lie ahead.
Join Mr Skin now for a unique spin on a typical summer movie guide.
Most media outlets will tell you what films are coming out, who spent how much on what, and how much stuff gets blown up in spectacular fashion.
But Mr Skin casts his expert eye on the stunning starlets of 2009’s summer movies, pointing out who gets nude in which titles and,ghd IV styler, in case they’re keeping covered or more skinvestigation is necessary, where to find each ######y celebrity nude in previous releases.
Mr Skin’s Skintastic Summer Movie Guide 2009 is your go-to resource not only to see what’s playing over the course of the swelter months, but where to find the really hot stuff—namely, Jessica Biel nude, Amy Adams nude, Katherine Heigl nude, Maggie Gyllenhaal nude, Evan Rachel Wood nude, Rachel McAdams nude, Milla Jovovich nude, Alison Lohman nude, Penélope Cruz nude, and all other 2009 summer movie celebs nude.
Surf’s up and bikinis are off! Now let Mr Skin be your guide!
May 21
Terminator Salvation
######y Stars: Moon Bloodgood, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jane Alexander, Helena Bonham Carter
The Skinny: The year is 2018 and John Connor is back in the form of Christian Bale in Terminator Salvation—the first PG-13-rated film in the otherwise R-rated series—and he’s leading the war against Skynet’s army of machines. Connor enlists the help of decommissioned Terminator Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), who may be a relic from the past—but then again he could have been sent back from the future. Early reports gave us hope that Moon Bloodgood’s breasts would make a cameo (make that mameo) appearance, but director McG admitted the scene was cut from the theatrical release (which was confirmed by our skin scout) but will most likely resurface for the DVD. To get your Terminator tit fix now, check out Bryce Dallas Howard (who plays Connor’s wife Kate) flaunting her bright red bush in Manderlay.
May 22
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
######y Stars: Amy Adams, Mizuo Peck
The Skinny: This sequel to the runaway hit Night at the Museum finds Ben Stiller ambushing the Smithsonian Institution in search of two misplaced exhibits. You’re unlikely to gaze upon even a smidgen of historical hooter in this family-friendly fare, but fear not: Amy Adams, who appears as Amelia Earhart, goes history buff in Psycho Beach Party and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, showing her rear-hart in both films. Mizuo Peck also returns to the franchise as Sacajawea, but check out Scenes of the Crime if you want to see her rack-ajawea.
Dance Flick
######y Star: Essence Atkins
The Skinny: A second generation of the prolific Wayans clan has taken over for the parody Dance Flick. In the spirit of the Wayans Brothers’ Scary Movie, Dance Flick pokes fun at urban dance movies such as Save the Last Dance, You Got Served, and Step Up. Relative newcomer Shoshana Bush plays a suburban white girl transplanted to the inner city, but her dance moves are unlikely to offer any glimpses at the body part with which she shares a name. For some Dance-related heat, check out Essence Atkins’s breasts in XCU: Extreme Close Up. It was nice to CU close up, Essence.
Easy Virtue
######y Stars: Jessica Biel (underwear), Kimberley Nixon (bush, butt)
The Skinny: Yes, there is nudity in Easy Virtue. But, no, that nudity is not provided by Jessica Biel. This adaptation of a Noël Coward play could not be further from Jessica’s other summer movie—the straight-to-DVD flick Powder Blue, which finds Jessica Biel playing a nude stripper. In this 1920s-set film, Jessica is an American who impulsively marries a young Englishman and must woo his disapproving family into accepting her. She certainly has the charm for it. But as for the skin, it’s provided by can-can dancer Kimberley Nixon, who flashes bush and butt onstage thanks to a missing pair of underwear. That’s both easy and virtuous!
The Girlfriend Experience
######y Star: Sasha Grey (breasts, bush)
The Skinny: Popular ######## star Sasha Grey tried to take adult entertainment mainstream with Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge, and now she’s doing the reverse by putting a little dash of ######## into The Girlfriend Experience. No, you won’t see any real ###### in the Steven Soderbergh film, but you will see Sasha’s breasts and a bush that has seen more than its fair share of business. She does play a high-priced call girl,tods online store, after all, so you’d expect her to be a show-it-all girl.
May 29
Drag Me To Hell
######y Star: Alison Lohman
The Skinny: After finding mainstream success with the Spider-Man films, Evil Dead director Sam Raimi returns to his horror roots with Drag Me To Hell. Alison Lohman plays a banker who forecloses on a little old lady’s home, but she didn’t count on granny having ties to the underworld—and we're not talking about the mob. Soon Alison is battling a curse that turns her life into a living hell. But what’s really hellish is that this movie is completely skinless, not even a little underwear action to soothe the scares. But fear not, you can catch Alison Lohman nude in a threesome in Where the Truth Lies. It’ll drag you to Heaven.
June 5
Land of the Lost
######y Stars: Anna Friel, Pollyanna McIntosh, Eve Mauro
The Skinny: In this reboot of the trippy ’70s kids’ show, Will Ferrell plays scientist Rick Marshall and, along with his ######y assistant (Anna Friel) and a freak-out redneck (Eastbound & Down star Danny McBride), he’s pulled into a space-time vortex and left to battle dinosaurs. The trio’s only friend in this strange land is Chaka, a primate willing to help them duel the dangerous dinos. Dangerously ######y is English actress Anna Friel as Ferrell’s assistant. And though it’s unlikely her clothes will depart for the Land of the Lost in this flick, she’s appeared nude in a whopping ten films. Her best look is a full-frontal scene in 1998’s The Tribe. You’ll be begging to join that tribe. Pollyanna McIntosh and Eve Mauro also appear as Pakuni women. To see these women pa-nudie, check out Headspace and ###### and Death 101 (McIntosh) and Wicked Lake and Miss March (Mauro).
The Hangover
######y Stars: Heather Graham (right breast), Sasha Barrese (bikini)
The Skinny: Road Trip and Old School director Todd Phillips is back for more macho depravity with The Hangover. Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, and Ed Helms are three groomsmen with some serious problems the morning after a wild bachelor party in Las Vegas. Like a groom-to-be who’s nowhere to be found. And the fact that they can’t remember a single thing that happened the night before. One thing you are not soon to forget is the sight of Heather Graham’s right cracker when she pulls down her bra to nurse her baby.
Away We Go
######y Stars: Melanie Lynskey, Maggie Gyllenhaal
The Skinny: In Away We Go, Office star John Krasinski and Saturday Night Live alum Maya Rudolph play a couple embarking on a cross-country journey in search of the right place to raise the child they’re expecting. Director Sam Mendes is no stranger to nudity (three of his first four features—American Beauty, Jarhead, and Revolutionary Road—include nude scenes), so it’s a disappointment that this outing is completely skinless. But, while lead Maya Rudolph has remained skingy, a few of the supporting players have ########## backgrounds. Seek out Two and a Half Men star Melanie Lynskey ########## in Park and lezzing it up with Kate Winslet (who happens to be Mendes's real-life wife) in Heavenly Creatures, or see Maggie Gyllenhaal as an ass (and everything else) baring assistant in Secretary.
Downloading Nancy
######y Star: Maria Bello (breasts, underwear)
The Skinny: Nancy (Maria Bello) isn’t your average housewife searching for ###### online in the based-on-true-events tale Downloading Nancy. She’s not interested in ordinary one-night stands. Instead, she’s seeking a man to torture and kill her. She finds that man in Jason Patric, but before he can carry out the dirty deed, he gets attached to the would-be murder victim and a relationship ensues. But there’s still plenty of kinky ###### to be had, including Maria tied to a bed exposing her breasts. This Nancy is bound to make you antsy.
June 12
Imagine That
######y Star: Nicole Ari Parker
The Skinny: Since Eddie Murphy has dropped his edgy Raw persona and gone strictly PG (at least on film), don’t expect to see much skin in the family-friendly light fantasy Imagine That. Murphy plays a financier who gets on-the-nose stock tips from a very unlikely source—his daughter’s imaginary friends. Murphy did have the sense to pack this feel-good flick with some fine femmes. You can find Nicole Ari Parker nude in Mute Love, Boogie Nights, and the lesbian romance The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love. You don’t have to imagine that.
Moon
######y Star: Dominique McElligott (underwear)
The Skinny: The premise: Sam Rockwell is living alone on the moon for three years, his only companion a robot with the voice of Kevin Spacey. Put that way, Moon doesn’t sound like it will be filled with poons and pontoons. And it’s not. But the movie does strike a ######y note early on when we see a moon-bound Rockwell making out with his wife, Dominique McElligott, who flashes her bra for the camera. What, no full moon?
June 19
The Proposal
######y Stars: Sandra Bullock, Malin Akerman, Mary Steenburgen, Niecy Nash, Mini Anden
The Skinny: Perky firecracker Sandra Bullock plays against type as a shrewish, high-powered exec facing deportation back to her Canadian homeland. Not wanting to lose her job, Sandy forces her put-upon assistant, played by Scarlett Johansson’s husband Ryan Reynolds, to marry her in order to obtain a green card. The Proposal features a scene in which Sandra slips out of the shower barely concealing her good parts, but to eyeball Bullock’s buttocks and boobocks in the raw, check out Who Shot Patakango? and Fire on the Amazon.
Year One
######y Stars: Olivia Wilde, Rhoda Griffis, Courtney Shay Young
The Skinny: Screwballs Jack Black and Michael Cera go primitive as a pair of bumbling cave dwellers wandering through the ancient world after being banished from their tribe. The bad news is that it features Black and Cera in skimpy Flintstones-style furs. The good news is that cavebabes like Rhoda Griffis, Courtney Shay Young, and newcomer Juno Temple wear similar garb. And don’t miss Maxim Top 100 #1 babe Olivia Wilde as a princess who’ll give you Roman hands. To see her out of her toga, take a look at her FFN and Rear One in Alpha Dog. Wilde stuff!
Whatever Works
######y Stars: Patricia Clarkson, Jessica Hecht, Evan Rachel Wood
The Skinny: Woody Allen’s latest kicks off with grouchy humbug Larry David suffering a crisis of existence and leaving his wife. Soon, David finds himself involved with very young ditzy Southern spitfire Evan Rachel Wood and her fire-and-brimstone parents. Evan Rachel causes Wood with her clingy sundresses but doesn’t show as much skin as her T&A flash in Across the Universe. And don’t miss costar Patricia Clarkson’s MILFy goodness baring Lewis and Clarksons in The Dying Gaul.
Irene in Time
######y Stars: Tanna Frederick, Victoria Tennant, Karen Black
The Skinny: Just in time for Father’s Day, Irene in Time hits theaters, depicting the sometimes tender, sometimes turbulent, and always complicated relationships between fathers and daughters. Mr Skin says “Daddy LIKE” to the flick’s ######y stars, like Tanna Frederick as the titular Irene, who gets tit-ular in a great lesbian scene in Inescapable. English crumpet Victoria Tennant waved her chest pennants in The Ragman’s Daughter, while costar Karen Black is a skin legend, having appeared in Easy Rider and ap-peeled in Killing Heat.
June 24
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
######y Stars: Megan Fox, America Olivo
The Skinny: It’s Autobots vs. Decepticons once again in this high-powered sequel to the 2007 summer smash Transformers. Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, the teenager who holds the secret to the Transformers’ origin, but it’s ######y Megan Fox as his pouty-lipped, perky-boobed love interest that really spins our gears. Expect more tight, sweaty tops and short shorts from walking ###### bomb Megan, but to see her at her wettest, don’t miss her hard-nippled wet-dress scene from How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. And while you’re at it, check out Friday the 13th for costar America Olivo transforming into a topless hottie.
June 26
My Sister’s Keeper
######y Stars: Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Daily
The Skinny: Take a break from jerking other things with this tearjerker, the tale of a teenage girl seeking legal emancipation from her parents after undergoing a lifetime of surgeries to save her older sister, who’s suffering from leukemia. This might not sound particularly ######y, until you learn that the girls’ mother is played by blonde, long-legged goddess Cameron Diaz. For less suffering and more in-the-buffering, catch Cam’s nip slip in Gangs of New York. And don’t miss Elizabeth Daily as a kindly nurse. See her nude in Valley Girl, because she’s a keeper.
Chéri
######y Stars: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates, Felicity Jones, Frances Tomelty, Anita Pallenberg, Harriet Walter, Iben Hjejle
The Skinny: Aging like the finest wine, Michelle Pfeiffer leads a cast of skintertational ###### symbols as a cheeky French seductress who plays Mrs. Robinson to a much younger lover in Chéri. To see the fluffy chéris of the film’s female stars minus all the Parisian period-piece costumes, check out Michelle Pfeiffer nude in Into the Night, Anita Pallenberg in a tub in Performance, and even Kathy Bates gets into the ########## spirit in About Schmidt.
Surveillance
######y Stars: Julia Ormond, Pell James
The Skinny: Criminally ######y Julia Ormond is an FBI fox tracking a serial killer in the New Mexico desert. She takes time out from interrogating three living eyewitnesses to break all the laws of hotness when she shares a steamy, seamy lesbian kiss an hour and 29 minutes in with busty blonde Pell James. Although the clothes stay on, juicy Julia straddles her ladylove during the lip lock. Killer!
The Hurt Locker
######y Star: Evangeline Lilly
The Skinny: Finally, Lost’s ######iest island hottie, Evangeline Lilly, on the big screen! Unfortunately, the bulk of The Hurt Locker is a sausage party, as an Army bomb-squad unit seeks to disarm explosives in Iraq during the height of the war. Evangeline’s there to pretty up all the bloodshed and strife, and you can always re-watch her blurry nipple shower shot from Lost season 2. That’s when Lilly’s at her most explosive.
July 1
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
######y Star: Queen Latifah
The Skinny: The third installment of the animated Ice Age movies hits theaters, and the animals of the ancient era face new challenges when one of them comes across some dinosaur eggs. Huge-hootered rapper, singer, and actress Queen Latifah returns as the voice of Ellie, and to see her pre-breast-reduction rack at its most skinimated, check her out as Mama Morton in Chicago. She belts out a tune with her chest blessings hoisted up so high they look like dinosaur eggs themselves. Just call her Tyrannosaurus ######.
Public Enemies
######y Stars: Leelee Sobieski, Emilie de Ravin, Marion Cotillard, Lili Taylor, Carey Mulligan, Branka Katic
The Skinny: It’s organized crime and tommy guns in 1930s Chicago, with Johnny Depp as notorious gangster John Dillinger and Christian Bale as the top FBI agent assigned to take him down. There are more G-men than G-strings here, so have a look at their lovely lady costars at their most exposed—Leelee Sobieski’s big Sobi-breast-skis in L’Idole and Oscar-winning French tart Marion Cotillard nude in Une Affaire privée. With pubic friends like these, who needs public enemies?
I Hate Valentine’s Day
######y Star: Zoe Kazan
The Skinny: My Big Fat Greek Wedding stars Nia Vardalos and John Corbett team up again for this romantic comedy about a New York single gal whose absurdly high standards cause her to be unlucky in love. We’re happy to see that curvy, nervy, brick house babe Zoe Kazan has a supporting role. The sight of her big, topless tits in Revolutionary Road made us skinstant fans. Even if you hate Valentine’s Day, you’ll love what lies above Zoe’s heart.
July 10
Brüno
######y Star: Trishelle Cannatella
The Skinny: Legendary English funnyman Sacha Baron Cohen drops the bling of Ali G and the rank suit of Borat to take on a new alter ego, the preening Austrian fashion reporter Brüno. Expect plenty of clownings of American politicians and talking heads, and keep an eye peeled for an appearance by mega-smoking former Real World treat Trishelle Cannatella. And don’t miss Trishelle’s T&A in the thriller The Scorned. Even Brüno would like her sweet moon-o.
I Love You, Beth Cooper
######y Stars: Hayden Panettiere, Cynthia Stevenson, Marie Avgeropoulos
The Skinny: Instead of giving the usual “what a crazy four years it’s been, let’s look to a bright future” valedictorian speech, a socially awkward high-school senior uses his platform to declare his love for popular blonde bombshell Beth Cooper. Heroes hottie Hayden Panettiere thrills as Beth—especially in a cleave-crushing minidress that is almost as short as the breathtakingly micro miniskirt she donned in The Good Student. You’ll summa cum laude!
Humpday
######y Star: Alycia Delmore (butt)
The Skinny: It’s a buddy comedy with a twist, as two platonic, hetero######ual dudes decide to make a gay ########o movie together in order to win the big prize in an amateur XXX flick contest. It’s not all hot dogs and hairy chests here, thanks to exquisitely beautiful nudecomer Alycia Delmore as one guy’s long-suffering wife—24 minutes into Humpday, the sweet-faced brunette drops her drawers to mount her man and shows off some choice ass. Happy Rumpday!
July 17
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
######y Stars: Emma Watson, Helena Bonham Carter, Maggie Smith, Julie Walters
The Skinny: The Harry Potter magic is back and, in the eye-popping form of Emma Watson’s newly 19-year-old physique, more bewitching than ever. As we await Hermione’s first nude scene, put your wand to use on the series’ more mature veterans by conjuring up Helena Bonham Carter nude in Fight Club, Maggie Smith nude in California Suite, and Julie Walters nude in She’ll Be Wearing Pink Pyjamas.
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
######y Stars: Amber Heard (underwear), Whitney Able (breasts, underwear), Melissa Price (underwear)
The Skinny: After buzzing about the film-festival circuit for several years, we all finally have the chance to fall in love with the ######y, blackly comic high-school horror All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. We don’t see buxom blonde Amber Heard nude in the title role, so be sure to catch her nonstop ##########ness in The Informers. However, you will love Mandy Lane co-star and fellow flaxen vixen Whitney Able nude here.
In the Loop
######y Stars: Gina McKee, Olivia Poulet
The Skinny: In the Loop is a political satire starring James Gandolfini and Tom Hollander that centers on U.S.-U.K. relations, declarations of war, and other issues of global importance. Of course, no issue is more important than discovering where to catch its female cast members ##########. That’s why Mr Skin is delighted to direct you to see Gina McKee nude in Our Friends in the North and Olivia Poulet nude in The Rotters’ Club.
(500) Days of Summer
######y Star: Zooey Deschanel
The Skinny: Former 3rd Rock from the Sun star and current indie darling Joseph Gordon-Levitt joins the even-more-adorable Zooey Deschanel in the unconventional romance (500) Days of Summer. The tale wanders disjointedly through time, giving us glimpses of the couple’s love affair but never, sadly, glimpses of Deschanel’s unclothed form. For a taste of Zooey Deschanel nude, you’ll have to wait for Gigantic, which has not yet received a wide theatrical release. That’s a gigantic bummer.
July 24
All Good Things
######y Stars: Kirsten Dunst, Diane Venora, Zoe Lister-Jones, Ashlie Atkinson
The Skinny: The stunning female cast of the Manhattan-set mystery All Good Things keeps all their best parts covered, but each has her own ######y screen history. For fleeting glimpses of Kirsten Dunst nude, see her slip nip in Crazy/Beautiful and bare butt crack in Marie Antoinette. Diane Venora pops out of her top in Romeo + Juliet. Zoe Lister-Jones topless in Breaking Upwards will leave you feeling upwards. On the FX series Rescue Me, curvaceous Ashlie Atkinson is resplendent in form-fitting lingerie. And these are all good things.
G-Force
######y Stars: Penélope Cruz, Kelli Garner, Niecy Nash, Mini Anden
The Skinny: The action-comedy cartoon G-Force follows a squadron of super-intelligent guinea pigs who fight against an evil genius bent on world domination. As far as Mr Skin is concerned, the real genius is whoever cast so many ######y starlets in the voice roles of this fun-looking family film. It’s always great to see Penélope Cruz nude, and some of the best places to do so are in Elegy, Vanilla Sky, and Jamón, jamón. California blonde Kelli Garner bares butt in Bully and flashes furburger in Havoc 2: Normal Adolescent Behavior. African-American eyeful Niecy Nash struts about in a thong and reveals ass crack in Reno 911!: Miami. Skinny Swede Mini Anden slips nip on a 2006 episode of Fashion House. G-Force comes with a lot of T&A force!
Orphan
######y Star: Vera Farmiga
The Skinny: Orphan looks to be a kick-ass example of horror’s killer-kid subgenre, with Isabelle Fuhrman as the titular nine-year-old nutcase Esther who brings homicidal havoc to the lives of her adoptive parents. Mom here is played by indie darling Vera Farmiga, who costarred in Martin Scorsese’s The Departed. To see Vera Farmiga nude, take your pick among her ########## greatness in Down to the Bone, Iron Jawed Angels, Running Scared, Breaking and Entering, Joshua, Never Forever, and In Tranzit.
The Ugly Truth
######y Stars: Katherine Heigl, Cheryl Hines, Bree Turner, Bonnie Somerville, Holly Weber
The Skinny: Rom-com queen Katherine Heigl stars as a TV producer out to disprove the chauvinist relationship theories of her show’s star (Gerard Butler). As in Knocked Up, Katherine’s curves always come off ######y, but to see her flash real flesh, check out Side Effects for sizable side-boob and Prince Valiant for a shot of Heigl heinie. Here’s hoping that supporting stunner Bree Turner revives the wet t-shirt talent she displays in Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and Sorority Boys. That truth would be the opposite of ugly.
July 29
Adam
######y Stars: Rose Byrne, Amy Irving, Karina Arroyave, Haviland Morris
The Skinny: Hugh Dancy stars in the title role of Adam as an electronic engineer with Asperger Syndrome (high-functioning autism) who befriends his new upstairs neighbor, played by Rose Byrne. Their bittersweet relationship plays out convincingly amidst a cast of female dazzlers. Get a taste of the tarts teasing Dancy by seeing Rose Byrne nude in The Goddess of 1967, Amy Irving nude in Carried Away, Karina Arroyave nude in One Eight Seven, and Haviland Morris nude in Sixteen Candles.
July 31
Death in Love
######y Star: Jacqueline Bisset
The Skinny: The post-Holocaust drama Death in Love chronicles a concentration-camp survivor played by Jacqueline Bisset as she ponders her romance, at the time, with a sadistic Nazi surgeon. This is heavy stuff indeed, so to lighten up, see gorgeous Jacqueline Bisset nude in The Deep, The Mephisto Waltz, and her all-time skin classic, Secrets.
Funny People
######y Star: Leslie Mann
The Skinny: The Adam Sandler-Judd Apatow collaboration Funny People finds Sandler as a comedian-turned-movie star who’s diagnosed with a terminal disease and tries to form a genuine friendship with Apatow regular Seth Rogen. The film costars Apatow’s real-life wife, Leslie Mann, who also appeared in the director’s Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. To see Leslie Mann nude, pick up the Bruce Willis action flick Last Man Standing, where we get a blurry peek at Leslie’s butt. She’s so hot it’s not funny, people.
August 7
Cold Souls
######y Stars: Emily Watson, Katheryn Winnick, Lauren Ambrose
The Skinny: The artful starlets of the existential Paul Giamatti drama Cold Souls are hot stuff. Although the movie contains only anonymous nudity, be sure to search out Emily Watson nude in Breaking the Waves, Metroland, Hilary and Jackie, and Synecdoche, New York. Also see Katheryn Winnick strip to a bra and suck lesbian face in Kiss Me Again, and Six Feet Under redhead Lauren Ambrose goes girl-girl crazy too in Swimming.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
######y Stars: Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Karolina Kurkova
The Skinny: The toy-based action blowout G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra may not seem like the ######iest prospect on summer screens, but the past work of its starlets will certainly make cobras rise everywhere. It’s always great to see Sienna Miller nude, and to that end (and front), Mr Skin recommends Factory Girl, Alfie, and Layer Cake. Rachel Nichols is presently launching photon torpedoes as green-skinned space siren Gaila in Star Trek, while Karolina Kurkova continues to move a lot of bras and panties as one of Victoria’s Secret’s top lingerie models.
Julie & Julia
######y Stars: Amy Adams, Meryl Streep, Vanessa Ferlito
The Skinny: Julie & Julia intertwines the life of famed chef Julia Child (Meryl Streep) with that of her contemporary devotee Julie Powell (Amy Adams). While the only juicy breasts on display here will likely belong to poultry, each leading lady boasts impressive ##########ness in her past. To see Meryl Streep nude, check out her tit-flashing scene in Silkwood, and for a hot blast of Amy Adams nude, pick up Psycho Beach Party, where she shows hot ass on the beach, and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which contains even more ########## Amy Adams butt. For a non-nude dish that’s just as spicy, watch stiff-nippled Amy’s lesbian scene in Standing Still and you’ll be standing stiff.
When in Rome
######y Stars: Kristen Bell, Alexis Dziena, Anjelica Huston
The Skinny: Kristen Bell stars in the zany romantic farce When in Rome as a lonely New York real estate agent who steals coins from the ancient city’s Fountain of Love, only to then be pursued by a series of wildly enthusiastic suitors. To see Kristen Bell nude, catch her slipping nip in Spartan. Costar Alexis Dziena (Tris in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist) gets spectacularly ########## as Lolita in Broken Flowers, baring pert boobs and close-trimmed beaver and spinning around to flaunt her butt, to boot. Veteran thespian Anjelica Huston (Morticia in The Addams Family movies) shows skin in The Postman Always Rings Twice and The Perez Family.
August 14
Taking Woodstock
######y Stars: Kelli Garner, Imelda Staunton, Katherine Waterston
The Skinny: Ang Lee directs this tie-dyed period comedy about small-town upstate New Yorker Elliot Tiber (Demetri Martin) getting with the flower people as he and his parents make their land ready for the legendary Woodstock music festival. Just like the real three days of love, peace, and music, there are plenty of (likely ##########) hippie chicks, including Kelli Garner, who showed bush and tush when she got bottomless in Havoc 2: Normal Adolescent Behavior. There’s also a performance by Katherine Waterston, who had her own Aquarian exposition when she got topless in the 2007 drama The Babysitters. She’ll give you a Woodstock.
Spread
######y Stars: Maria Conchita Alonso (######y), Rachel Blanchard (right breast, butt), Sarah Buxton (underwear), Anne Heche (breasts, butt), Margarita Levieva (breasts, bush, thong), Sonia Rockwell (breasts, butt)
The Skinny: Anne Heche stars in the ###### comedy Spread, the story of a young gigolo (Ashton Kutcher) who lives as a kept man with a rich lawyer (Heche) and still finds time to sleep with ######y waitress Margarita Levieva. Also among Kutcher’s conquests are Rachel Blanchard, Sonia Rockwell, Maria Conchita Alonso, Sarah Buxton, and a couple of uncredited actresses. At the 28-minute mark,vapors mercurial, we get a great shot of the Heche hooters as Ashton bangs her from behind. Way to spread, Anne!
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
######y Star: Noureen DeWulf
The Skinny: Teen-######-comedy babe Noureen DeWulf stars in the Will Ferrell comedy The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, with Jeremy Piven as a used-car salesman trying to turn his dealership around in a July 4th event. You most likely won’t get to see ######y South Asian Noureen’s goods here, but check out 2007’s The Comebacks to see her doing a titillating dance in a skimpy bikini. You’ll be coming back for more.
A Perfect Getaway
######y Stars: Milla Jovovich, Marley Shelton, Kiele Sanchez
The Skinny: Milla Jovovich and Lost babe Kiele Sanchez are on an island vacation in Hawaii with their boyfriends when a psychopathic stalker starts turning the tourists into human poi. To see Milla’s perfect tit-aways, go to the 2002 thriller No Good Deed, where we see her T&A and a get quick look at her bush as she runs out of the shower. Get a load of that Jova-vadge!
The Time Traveler's Wife
######y Stars: Rachel McAdams, Michelle Nolden, Jane McLean
The Skinny: Rachel McAdams stars as the wife of librarian Eric Bana, who travels involuntarily throughout time because of a genetic disorder in the sci-fi romance The Time Traveler's Wife. You can check out Show Me to see co-star Michelle Nolden doing just that when she bares her boobs in the tub at the 53-minute mark. And to see Rachel’s rack, travel back in time to the 2002 movie My Name Is Tanino, where she gets topless in a pool three minutes in. Nice mam-inos, Rachel.
Final Destination: Death Trip
######y Star: Krista Allen
The Skinny: Softcore siren Krista Allen stars in the fourth installment of the frightfest franchise Final Destination: Death Trip. After Nick O'Bannon has a premonition that he and his friends will die in a racetrack accident, he escapes, only to be hunted down by Death, who is out to kill him and the other survivors one by one. Hopefully this chapter will continue the series’ nude trend, but even if it doesn’t you’re bound to get an eyeful, as all the action in Death Trip is in 3-D. And if you want to see Krista Allen’s 3-B’s, check out the 1997 horror movie Haunted Sea, where she lies completely ########## on a table at the 37-minute mark. Check out those haunted C-cups!
August 21
Inglourious Basterds
######y Stars: Cloris Leachman, Diane Kruger, Mélanie Laurent, Jana Pallaske, Léa Seydoux, Anne-Sophie Franck
The Skinny: Blonde bombshell Diane Kruger stars in Quentin Tarantino’s WWII epic Inglourious Basterds, the story of an elite group of Jewish-American commandos hunting Nazis in occupied France. ######y costars Léa Seydoux and Anne-Sophie Franck both showed skin the French comedy Mes copines, Jana Pallaske shows all three B’s in the punk rock drama Engel & Joe, Cloris Leachman’s peaches and can are on prominent display in the 1970 cult classic The People Next Door, and you can see Mélanie Laurent’s boobs, butt, and bush in The Last Day. To see star Diane Kruger’s chest Lugers, catch her as Helen of Troy in the 2004 epic Troy. Helen’s face may have launched a thousand ships, but Diane’s rack could launch a rocket!
Post Grad
######y Stars: Alexis Bledel, Jane Lynch, Carol Burnett, Vanessa Branch, Catherine Reitman
The Skinny: Gilmore Girls and Sin City star Alexis Bledel is a recent college graduate who moves back in with her parents (Michael Keaton and Jane Lynch) to get her life figured out in the comedy Post Grad. The supporting cast includes comely comediennes Carol Burnett, Catherine Reitman, and Orbit gum commercial babe Vanessa Branch, who bared her butt skinny-dipping 19 minutes into the 2008 thriller Cold Play. She’ll give you a dirty mouth!
World's Greatest Dad
######y Star: Alexie Gilmore (underwear)
The Skinny: Comedian-turned-director Bobcat Goldthwait helms World’s Greatest Dad, which casts funnyman Robin Williams as a high-school teacher who pens a ######## suicide note after the accidental death of his son. Unlike Goldthwait’s previous effort, Windy City Heat, there’s no nudity here, but ######y Alexie Gilmore does pony up a few upskirt panty shots. Next time we want more, Gilmore!
August 28
H2
######y Stars: Sheri Moon Zombie, Angela Trimbur, Danielle Harris, Margot Kidder, Sylvia Jefferies
The Skinny: Scout Taylor-Compton stars in Rob Zombie’s latest fright flick H2, the sequel to his remake of the John Carpenter classic Halloween. Taking place right after the events of the first movie, the film follows masked psychopath Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) as he hunts down his long-lost sister and butchers everyone in his path. Reprising their roles from the first movie are Danielle Harris, who got topless 1:30 minutes into the first film, and director’s wife Sheri Moon Zombie, who bared her T&A in his debut effort, House of 1000 Corpses. Sylvia Jefferies, a nude-comer to the revived franchise, showed off rack and rump 18 minutes into the drama Walker Payne, and Angela Trimbur doffed her top in a hot tub with another chick on the HBO series Entourage. To see venerable genre actress Margot Kidder in the buff, check out 1970’s Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx, where she shows off her kidder and kaboodle. Trick or Teat! This Halloween sequel with have you jacking your lantern all over again.
The Boat That Rocked
######y Stars: Gemma Arterton, January Jones
The Skinny: Bond babe Gemma Arterton and Mad Men’s January Jones will have audiences raising their masts and dropping their anchors in the swinging-’60s comedy The Boat That Rocked. The film follows the adventures of a group of pirate radio DJs who broadcast rock music to the UK from their boat in the North Sea. If you really want to get your boat rocked, check out Gemma’s jugs and arse-erton when she’s banging some guy one hour and one minute into the 2008 comedy Three and Out or January’s accidental boob baring at the 37-minute mark in The Three Burials of Melquaides Estrada. January will leave you jonesing for more.
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