As a original son, I kas long asit doesn't take many apt obtain the mean Alabamian incited. Double coupon day by Kroger ambition do it; the opening of a Super Wal-Mart; one Elvis sighting; a accumulation of Georgia lottery stamps smuggled in at a coworker and sold at price. But I was astounded at the admission Microsoft CEO Bill Gates got while he came apt Alabama final week. You'd have thought Oprah was ashore trial here as badmouthing grits, the path human were carrying on. One particularly- impressed companion poured, 'I just shook the hand of the richest man in the world! I may never clean my hand repeatedly!'
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Maybe all the ruckus was for Billy Bob Gates (his honorary Alabama name) came to Dixie to give away money, something we Alabamians will stand in line to see, principally if there's a become we might get a money or two. Gates donated $2.7 million to disburse for calculators and Internet way for Alabama public libraries in an exertion to bring cyberspace to underprivileged Alabamians. A noble gesture, but I'll bet the underprivileged would have just favored the money.
I don't average to sound ungrateful, yet Bill Gates coughing up $2.7 million is the financial equivalent of me digging for alteration in my sofa. Consider these numbers: Bill's estimated worth is $48 billion. That's a 48 and a entire bunch of zeros. On average, Bill earns $120 per second, $7,200 per minute, $432,000 per hour, $10,368,000 per day, $72,
christian louboutin sample sale may,576,000 per week, $3.7 billion per annual. Poor sap. I guess I shouldn't be too hard on him. Imagine what the IRS does to him each April 15.
Bill and his entourage (which contained his wife and three bodyguards specially exercised to knob terrorist pie aggressions) visited 2 Alabama libraries that were recipients of his donation: one in Selma, different in Demopolis. Then it was off to Montgomery for a meeting with our darling Governor Fobio James. It was on the way to Montgomery that Bill ran into another excellent American: Delbert Lee Knox.
Delbert Lee, a second accessory on my daddy's side, is considered by maximum in the kin to be what my grampa calls, 'the one that fell out of the tree and didn't land on his brain,' which, loosely translated into semi-coherent English, means: the boy made agreeable. Delbert Lee namely understood approximately the world as 'Delvis: The Elvis Impersonator's Impersonator.' His impersonations of additional impersonators is amazing! It's favor Elvis to the third power. And you ought see him do the Elvis Stamp (young AND antique editions). It's down right eerie!
That fulfilment unattended is enough to get Delbert Lee seated at the head of the big people's table at all family features, but he has another demand to reputation. He is likewise the mayor of Goober Falls, Alabama, a small hamlet just off the highway to Demopolis. It was there that Delbert Lee met and spent several minutes with Bill Gates. I'm sure neither of them will ever be the same. I spoke to Delbert Lee presently later their impromptu meeting and here's what he had to mention.
Tim Knox: So, DL, what was it like, shaking the hand of the richest man in America?
Delbert Lee: It was someone, TK! I may never wash my hand again.
HL: How did he bring an end to ... in Goober Falls?
DL: I think he had too much sweet tea up in Selma because he had to stop by Arnie's Gas-n-Go to use the facilities. Arnie called to tell me that he was out there, so I had him trap the little feller in the restroom till I could access.
TK: You trapped the richest man in America in a gas station toilet? Was he upset?
DL: Well, he was ahead of. Then Arnie gave him one of those pine tree atmosphere fresheners for his limo and all was forgiven.
TK: What was he like?
DL: Well, he wasn't approximately as high as I thought he'd be. And I had him staked as creature much older. I mean, he started Wal-Mart nearly forty years ago, you know.
TK: DL, you're musing of Sam Walton. The guy you met was Bill Gates, the CEO of Microsoft.
DL: (Pause) Bill Gates? Who the perdition is Bill Gates?
TK: Ever heard of a mini thing alleged the Internet, DL?
DL: Course I have! We get the X-Files off the satellite tray down here, you know.
TK: I've got an idea, DL. Bill Gates wants to put the average Alabamian on the Internet and since there's not Alabamian more average than you, how about letting me test your Internet perception.
DL: I am your faithful hound dog, HL. Fire when prepared.
So,
christian louboutin pumps cheap, I gave Delbert Lee a little test. I queried him to define the following terms. His responses are in pert.
Bytes: What my dog Priscilla does when you pull her tail. Megabytes: What you get when you Super Size the McNuggets repast at McDonald's. Megahertz: The world's largest motorcar rental company. Monitor: One of them big lizards from Japan. Keyboard: Where Arnie hangs the restroom key down at the Gas-n-Go. Scuzzy (SCSI): A female of ill repute. Hard drive: Any road trip involving my mother-in-law. Modem: What I did to them stinkweeds that was growing in my yard. Hardware: My drawers when Lurleen doesn't use fabric softener. Software: That frilly underwear you see in the Victoria's Secret catalog. Mouse: Like a gopher rat, merely smaller. Mouse Pad: Where that mouse lives. Online: Where you stand when waiting to get your administration cheese. Service provider: A truckstop waiter. RAM: My Dodge truck, by God. ROM: Jimmy Buffet's favorite nectar. Goes good with Coke. Random Access Memory: When I conveniently forget to tell Lurleen that I been out drinking with Arnie and the boys. WWW: The multinational annex of the World Wrestling Federation. Virus: Something that can't be cured without penicillin or fungus medication. Reboot: What you have to do when you wear down the marrows of your Dingos. Microsoft: Really nice toilet periodical. Geocities: A town where everyone drives a little, bitty car. URL: What Lurleen fries chicken in. Crisco is her favorite. Shutdown: What happens when the vice squad raids the trailer park on Saturday night.
TK: Thanks, DL. I'll see you at the afterward reunion.
DL: No, HL, thank you. Thank you quite much.
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