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you add more salt to your ingredients?”“Sure, Bubba. No problem.” “More salt will cause more bloating since it can only stay in humans in saline. More bloating, more weight, less exercise,tods sale, more need for stimulants, you get the drift―which leads me to you Sophie. Can you bump up your caffeine content?”“Whatever the cause calls for, Bubba.”Bubba gloated chubbily. “More stimulants, higher highs, quicker crashes, more cravings for sugar. That’s where you come in, Mickey. Can you double your sweetness?”“For sure, my bulbous brother.” Bubba’s lips dripped with oil. “More sugar, more fat storage,cheap hair straighteners, more spikes and less energy for anything that could dissolve us in any way.”Bubba drooled with gluttony. ”Bunnie, you’re last―the hostess with the mostest―the one that holds us all together. I want you to do it all―more salt to your deliciously nutritionless processed flour; a sugar glazing to the top of each bun; more sugar in the mix; and chemicals that will bind and bind and bind.” Bubba laughed so hard he almost lost his mustard.“If we work together, we’ll form more tires than Goodyear,” Bubba gleefully declared. “Our place in history forever anchored to their mid-rifts.”
“Outstanding,” Frankie praised. “Truly gelatinous. But we still have to deal with enemy number one―those vile vegetables.”“We’re making some progress,Belstaff UK Outlet Store, Frankie,” Bunnie chirped. “We got ketchup classified as a vegetable in the school system and packed it full of both sugar and salt―addict `em while they’re young and defenseless.” “It’s not the sauces I’m worried about,” Frankie espoused. “We’ve crammed most of them with salt or sugar or both. The greenies pose our biggest challenge, Artie Artichoke, Gretta Green Bean and our archrival, Sallie Salad. If they gain any momentum, they might get into a zone. Remember, they produce slow-burning fuel and disappear without a trace―a total waste! If humans get hip, we’ll go the way of the glacier―melt city!”Frankie mopped more grease from his tubby cheeks.“As much as we all hate salads, we need more sugar and salt on those veggies―drown their virtues in creaminess, sweetness and glutomates. We need an ally on the inside. I say we call Deirdre―Deirdre The Dressing Queen. I know that’s extreme, so let’s take a vote.”
One by one, the Fat For A New America founders thrust their pudgy hands into the center of the council and gave the thumbs up. In one voice, they began to chant, faster and faster to the final, oversized crescendo:“Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE fat, fat!!!”“Meeting adjourned,” ordered Frankie. “A waist is a terrible thing to mind―let’s eat.”TO BE CONTINUED…
Author Ridgely Goldsborough co-founded The YoungSlim Lifestyle, an integrated approach to weight-management and anti-aging that can be reviewed in streaming video at http://www.youngslim.com. Ridgely can be emailed directly at ridgely@youngslim.com.