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Old 09-16-2011, 11:22 AM   #1
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Default Lonely life

I think I will always be lonely,GHD Black Butterfly 2011, so lonely life ......

sky raining, morose day such as their mood.
listening to Rene Liu lonely, I really burst into tears taste, sour snout.

I a uncomplicated male, not rich experience, not many frustration, my life has not been very melancholy, surely, is also not quite elated. I like simple txt, look at some simple love anecdote, fancy own afterward in life may be a simple pleasure.

However,GHD Boho Chic Limited Edition, in fact, very few people can really understand different person. When did not kas long ashe simply asked, in some people's eyes, turned into a vexatious. I compromise. I told myself: to be tolerant, to understand. However, I base that I still not happy.

when that wet night, afterward the cold feel general disability at the right time, how I hope somebody can assist yourself in the side,GHD IV Styler Straighteners, let that stand up and felt dizzy for they must rely a little bit of ah. However, pick up the call,GHD Pink Limited Edition, but still did not turntable the phone. This is the distance,GHD Hair NZ, the distance between us. When I absence help at the right time, I did not say it.
even now I say, you can not help me.

more than once when I mention to you, distance namely a problem by the right time. More than once I reply you: to be tolerant, apt know. I actually would favor this, and understand that I tin do; tolerance, no problem. But who tin really understand what I do?
When I feel lonely globe when you do it again?
When I feel the winter chill while you do it again?
Today, I ask you, how did not return that night I sent you the message. You said, did not receive. I do not deem, really. I do not believe your words. I understand what you mean, this is also true. Ultimately, I chose the clause be assured at the end, chose not to acquaint.
Perhaps you'll not understand me, do not understand my behavior. Because you do not understand boys reserved.

So,GHD Benefit Styler, I calculate I would really alone life on such a lonely life
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:33 AM   #2
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1924-1929 经济大繁荣 伟大的年代?
进入二十年代后,道指在1924年到1929年创造了连续六年增长的记录,shape up skechers。从某些角度衡量,1920年代的牛市可谓股市历史上最强盛的时期。
  这部分应归功于被称为“沉默凯”的凯文-柯立芝总统,他宣称“美国的事业就是商业”,并说到做到。他的不干涉,或称之为自由主义政策为当时经济和股 市的繁荣做出了贡献。其演讲中一句经典深入人心,他宣�美国“正在进入一个新的繁荣时代”。胡佛在1928 年的总统大选中战胜纽约州长史密斯也有助于道指攀越300点,“政治气候仍然对商业极为有利”。胡佛总统崇 尚“强烈的个人主义”,并认为对商业的干涉是越少越好。
1928年3月开始,股市开始爆发出强劲的涨势。股市不再以稳定的步伐上涨,而是开始大幅度的跃升。恰好在 1928年的最后一天,道指突破了300点关口。当年道指增长了48%,skechers shape up shoes,是道指历史上表现最好的年份之一(仅次于1915年和1933年)。
电话业和航空业开始起飞。曾撰写一本关于道指的退休教授里查德-斯蒂曼指出,“我将此称之为最后的猛涨。那是一个快乐的伟大时代。繁荣就像一场大爆炸:汽车大量生产,收音 机大量生产”。纽约证交所(NYSE)上市的工业股票的本益比为13.9,较1920年的低水平有了明显增 长。但是从经济状况显著改善的角度来看,上述增长似乎并不过份。
  黑色星期五 海啸来临
1929年10月28日,“华尔街日报”的大号标题为“工业股票下跌38.33点”。第二天,工业股再跌3 0.57点(这两天的跌幅分别为12.82%、11.73%,名列道指历史最高跌幅的第二和第三位,仅次于 1987年10月19日黑色星期一的22.61%)。在六天之内,道指下跌96点多,跌幅接近30%。

到11月中旬,纽约证券交易所股票价格下降40%以上,证券持有人损失达260亿美元,shape ups skechers

然而29年的股市崩溃只是噩梦的开始,危机严重削弱了金融制度,动摇企业界信心,阻碍工、农业 发展,skechers shoes online,缩小海外购买和投资,从而使经济陷入停滞状态,导致经济危机。

1930-1933 经济危机--大萧条

1931年美国工业生产总指数比1929年下降53.8%。重工业生产的缩减尤为严重。
1932年9月,全国有3400万成年男女和儿童,即约占全国总人口的28%无法维持生计 (1100万户农村人口未计在内)。200万人到处流浪。
1933年3月,完全失业工人达1700万,约有101.93万农民破产,许多中产阶级也纷纷破产。193 3年的商品消费额,下降到1929年水平的67%。

1929年至1932年,银行破产101家,企业破产l09371家,全部私营公司纯利润从1929年的8 4亿美元降为1932年的34亿美元。在这次大萧条中,工业、农业、信用危机同时并发,并波及整个资本主义 世界,使世界工业生产总产值下降36%,世界贸易缩减2/3。
1932年7月,也就是大萧条最严重的时候,道指跌至令人悚然的41.22点,距离1929年高点跌去89 %,skechers outlet
然而也就是在实体经济收缩最剧烈的时候,道指创出百年大底。

1933-1938 走出泥潭

罗斯福在1933年开始主政,他制定了各类社会计划并让人们为修筑公路和公共建筑而工作。
股市似乎喜欢罗斯福所�取的措施。道指在1933年上涨39点,1934年涨6点,1935年涨40点,1 936年涨36点。
1938年道指再度暴跌至100点以下。索博尔将此归咎于罗斯福的增税政策。斯蒂曼指出,由于其他国家都在 各自苦度难关,shape up shoes,海外对美国商品的需求持续疲软。
两位历史学家都认为,是第二次世界大战促成了大萧条的最终结束。索博尔指出,“是战争而不是罗斯福使这个国 家走出了大萧条。”

然而道指最终突破1929年高点,是危机爆发25年以后的1954年的事了
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:51 PM   #3
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Reprinted from alumni of the user at 17 o'clock on June 9, 2010 Reading (loading. ..) Comments (0) Category: feelings *.*

1, do not listen to the words around them, freshmen do not fall in love, good girls are picked on by others away. Think about it, just a freshman on the lost and lonely, could not bear the temptation, try to love the girl, worthy of your own catch it? Universities, can have a love, however, do not stubbornly believe that, just a freshman, it must be love.
2, a young man, if the three-year period, without any idea of his life, it basically like this, not much has changed.
3, plus courage courage is successful, once the train had heard people talk about the success of Wenzhou, said all three words, \In fact, this is courage, and get affordable, fit, that is courage.
4, the world, so a small group of people, open the newspaper, is their message, turn on the TV, is their message, the streets, talk is their message, as if the world is prepared for them, they able to do anything, do anything. Your goal should be to become this small group of people.
5, the society is fast fish eat slow fish, rather than slow fish Kuaiyu.
6, the community, the winner takes all, loser nothing, social, and always only success of Heroes.
7, if you ask around with words, if ten people, nine people did not know, then, this is an opportunity, if ten people to people all know, is an industry.
8, any one industry, a market, are the first to have meat to eat, no drink soup later.
9, this world-class talent, the project can be made of third-rate second-rate or better, but third-rate talents, first-class project will, do not like third-rate.
10, still young, to get out more to see. Read a lot better than reading ten thousand books, from thousands, as reading countless people.
11, when dealing with people and listen more talk less. That is why God gave us two ears and one mouth causes.
12, outside the daily work should pay more attention to our self-improvement and self-skills training. With the extensive application of computer technology, in order not to be out of society, we must strengthen and improve the training of computer technology. Whether corporate training or personal training is essential, I recommend a good training institution: Institute of Computing of the training center.
13, do not install big, big man for the equipment, the best way is to pick up pieces of brick, with up quietly, suddenly brought down from behind him.
16, buy clothes, it has to pick out, do not let the family to buy you, though you do not buy the first second how, but you will slowly visionary.
17, in order to progress, only lessons learned, success stories are distorted, successful, thinking about how that can be, losers do not say, however, you can reflect on his case, summary. Lessons learned not only from themselves, but also learn from others.
18, learning, study and study again, something all right, go to the bookstore to see books on management, finance, marketing, interpersonal communication, the future trends of these, you can get a lot. The social competition is too intense, you do not learn, will be eliminated. China at the end of 2008, more than a million college students find jobs. Such a highly competitive, so, we must recognize that a university graduate, not the end of the study, but to learn just begun. Also, I personally recommend a good video, \
19, if you are not a singer, not a painter, nor is playing performance art, then, in the usual attention to your clothing. Now this society, clothing can show which groups you belong to, which one circle.
20, remember that an average of more than three hours a day watching television more than a certain monthly income of those who are not more than two thousand dollars, if you want a monthly income of more than two thousand, please do not waste time on TV on. By the same token, those who play online games or a daily average of more than three hours or more chat, but also those who are not more than two thousand of monthly income.
21, because the poor are many, and the poor have no money, so they will be chatting on the network complain, kill time. Have you seen a company CEOs or executive managers often something all right in the QQ chat group?
22, whether you are after is not engaged in sales, have a look at the books on marketing. Because, in life, you sell to others everywhere in the show yourself.
23, the usual time, more communication with your friends about, do not wait until you need the help of friends when it is thought to contact them, to the community, you will know, able to recognize a true friend, how Difficult?
24, if you want to know how their future revenues. To find your most frequently between the six friends, their combined annual income, divided by six to almost yours. This example, you can fully explain the point, attracts like.
26, remember that the cards do the last person to sell to others the license that surprise, they think you want to lose the time, so that you can win the game.
27, about love, is there such a word, no bread, how to dance? Whenever you decide to go to love a person, they must consider giving her the best you can give the material life.
28, give yourself a five-year goal, and then split it into year after year, six months six months, three months, a month. In this way,red wing heritage boot, you can find their own goals and direction.
29, no matter what, remember,red wing shoes outlet, the word dignity, life is to have dignity, principles, there is the bottom line. Otherwise, no one will respect you.
30, if I can only give you one piece of advice, that is, the world is no free lunch, never take short cuts!
2. Why do not pride and self-esteem?
you can say he is the best, but can not say that he is the best school, all the best of Beijing, the country's best, best in the world, so you do not have pride; Also, you can say that they is the worst class, but you can prove he is the worst school you? To prove that he is the worst it? So do not feel inferior.
3. older people no longer value the look, not your handsome or not, but by the charm of your heart: your spirit, spirit.
4. The world has a lot of talent, genius is to enjoy, not for comparisons.
5. You say I am a pig, and do not, in fact, I do not like the pigs.
a lot of people lost their happy, because he was too sensitive. Other words, a comment to make yourself angry month. At this time very boring. Ma Jiajue became serious, because people do not eat on your own to kill depressing.
6. to more than a day to some than others to an hour.
7. to make this world is not bright sunshine, but the girls smile.
8. to introduce respect,red wing work boots, we must study a highly specialized in that field, you're the top, at least 10 Chinese money, so whatever time you have something to say, there are things that can be used for . I think Mr Yu had become of the top 100 English language, but later found impossible. So I back the word, with 1 years recited an English dictionary, the word China expert, I published the Little Red Book series: GRE vocabulary from junior high to a dozen, the annual sales of 1 million, royalties than I officially work higher.
9. Students should do is:
(1) professional, became the top 100;
(2) the humanities, reading 500 books.
(3) English.
10. If you want attention, we must make to become a tree standing proudly in between the earth; and not to do a grass, have you seen the one who stepped on the grass, but also sorry to grass said: I'm sorry?
11. Learn English like a bird, you study birds in the woods, when four birds fell on your shoulders to show that you have the four English, when you fall on the shoulders of six birds, the show that you have English six, when there are many birds fall on your shoulders that you become a bird.
12. Woman's gentle and is directly proportional to the achievements of men.
13, Mr Yu in the \
both by day and also by the way, but also on their own.
accept defeat calmly.
man to be generous, the atmosphere, do not give up!
the world is not absolutely fair,red wing boot store, fair only one point.
heart level,red wing motorcycle boot, the world will be flat.
opportunity to learn to others.
rank and honor, just like the clouds, can not lie in, lie down or go to. Rank and honor is a beautiful scene, only appreciation.
as long as the face for compassion and to do, almost always fail.
Each river has a dream: toward the sea. Yangtze River, Yellow River are toward the sea, a different way. Open hilltops Yangtze, the Yellow River twists and turns, not the same trajectory. But have a water spirit. The process of flowing water, if the precipitation in the sediment, to never see the sun.

Ma Classic Quotations:

1. When you succeed, you say all the words are the truth.
2. I will always believe that never give up, we still have a chance. Finally, we still firmly believe that as long as the dream of this world, as long as the ongoing efforts, as long as continuous learning, no matter how you look, whether it is the case, or as a man's looks and his talent are often inversely proportional. I am very cruel, more brutal tomorrow, the day after tomorrow is good, but certainly most of the dead tomorrow night, so everyone not to give up today.
3. Masayoshi Son told me has the same idea, a solution is adding third-class implementation of Idea; another program, first-class implementation of the additional third-Idea, which is better? Both of us also choose to implement first-class, third-Idea.
4. I only want to throw firecrackers, but also throwing bombs. Throwing firecrackers is to attract people's attention and confuse the enemy; throwing bombs is my real purpose. However, I can not tell you when I threw firecrackers, when throwing bombs. The game is to falsehoods, so that it happy. If you feel pain in the game, it means you play the wrong one.
5. \
6. those who privately advised us that we were the wrong people, real friends.
7. I am most happy life, that I promised to help people do things that he not only completed, but better than they requested, when completed these CIGNA, the kind of excitement is indescribable ... ...
8. to maintain their reputation, hard work, with people, keep their promises, so that the cause of your very helpful.
9. business cooperation must have three premises: First, there must be cooperation between the two sides benefit, and second, there must be a willingness to cooperate, the three co-prosperity between the two sides must have the intention of sharing. The three are indispensable.
10. Service is the world's most expensive products, so the service is not the best service, best service is no need for service.
11. never not talk to other people than lucky, I never thought I fortunate than others, I might be more than their perseverance in the most difficult times, they beat it, I can boil a second, two seconds.
12. speech today to the North felt very excited. I've been to Peking University students as my idol, has been test test but not into, so I think if one day I have to go to Beijing University as a teacher.
13. saw 10 rabbits, which you catch in the end only? While some people catch the rabbit, while grasping the rabbit, may finally have a grip. CEO's main task is not to look for opportunities but a chance to say NO. Many opportunities, can only grasp one. I can only catch a rabbit, caught more, what will be lost.
14. Our company is half-yearly evaluation, assessment down, although you work hard, and very good, but you're the last one, very Sorry, you have to leave.
15. our competitors, the biggest difference is we know what they want to do, but they do not know what we want. We want to do, there is no need to let everyone know.
16. network on top of a word, barefoot is always afraid of the wearer.
17. Chinese e-commerce must have to stand up and walk, and not always hand in hand, always hand in hand to be finished. I mean the discovery of gold alibaba, we definitely do not dig their own, and we want others to dig, he dug me a piece of gold on it.
18. I am confident that our model will make money, Amazon is the world's longest river, 8848 is the world's highest mountain, Alibaba.com is the world's richest treasure. A good business is living near by the blood transfusion, the key is their own blood.
19. Why did I survive? The first is because I have no money, and the second on the INTERNET that I do not know, and the third is what I want like a fool.
20. starting gun sounds, you do not have time to see how your opponent is running. Tomorrow is our only competitor.
21. If the early bird does not eat worms, that will be eaten by other birds.
22.'ve heard rich lobster, never heard of the rich whaling.
23. good things are often difficult to describe.
24. In my opinion there are three kinds of people, businessmen: the creation of money; business: as an invaluable. Entrepreneur: for social responsibility. Entrepreneurs should create an environment for the community. Entrepreneurs must have the spirit of innovation.
25. a company in both cases most likely to make mistakes, there is too much money the first time, the second in the face of too many opportunities to see a CEO should not be a chance, because chance everywhere, a CEO should see the disaster and the disaster strangled in the cradle.
Niu Gensheng classic quotations:

1. a small victory by wisdom, victory by Germany.
2. energetic, you shed sweat; have the knowledge, you give wisdom; the two do not have, please let the jobs.
3. Town drink a glass of milk, the rural rich family.
4. Choi scattered people together, the wealth accumulation of people scattered.
5. a product, eye-catching, pulling ears, not as warm their hearts.
6. a person with mental problems, was defective; a human soul there is a problem that is dangerous. Business people are running a business.
7. well have a good state of mind.
8. to help others, but do not hurt others.
9. To know, to make a reverse.
10. from scratch, is a happy thing. And from there to no, the same kind of pleasure.
11. products market is the millions of citizens, the capital market is the millions of investors, raw materials market is millions of farmers.
12. Let people know you benefit, but also can not be considered good; so do not know you also benefit, and that is good.
13. suffer no longer eat do not eat into the time, it will not be a disadvantage. More bitter, sweet on the big.
14. win a two-back three times, three to five years, a little intelligence on the line; want to be a hundred years old, would like to win a lifetime, there is no German business, absolutely not.
15. learn hard, do comfortably; learn comfortably, doing hard work.
16. product is equal to the character, quality of life.
17. irritated by others, above all, their own lack of moral cultivation.
18. From the most dissatisfied customers who learned the most.
19. management is serious love.
20. business enterprise is the business people.
21. people can not put their money into the grave, but the money they can put people into the grave.
22. a man happy not because he has much, but because the less care about.
23. a business can not succeed, the key to rely on the system design.
24. people from scratch, and I start from the negative.
25. hear flattery is a lucky man, who can not hear criticism of it is a danger.
26. treat each head of cattle, because they are mothers.
27. layout of the decision outcome.
28. There are many things in the world, as long as you do it thoroughly, made of experts, you will be able to create their own chances of success.
29. products sell fast talking, dumb product more slowly.
30. If you take the fifth power of rivalry with others, people will come up with the power-twelfth of rivalry with you.

Shi Yuzhu classic quotation:


1.90% of the problems you do not want to think, you do not know it was difficult.
2. Core members of the team was to resign, do not retain, as proposed, he is to go sooner or later.
3. If there is no price advantage and absolute advantage in technology, do not enter the Red Sea market, or you will to lose!
4. Chain to do business, be sure to do a stupid version of the marketing brochure and management manual, the only way to achieve long-distance management.
5. After the success of a shop to do a big success away from you far, so you first is down to earth and concentrate to make the first one, is to abandon this chain, not how to do in the future chain has done a lot of dreams first to make the first down to earth.
6. To do a national market, be sure to do a test market, to a little bit to, not fast; made, and really to make the national market, half a step faster, not slower!
7. Junior post-doctoral level with nothing different. As long as competent on the line, I have been to this view, do not care about education, as long as competent to contribute on the line.
8. As we have failed, at least those who have failed before, you should always learn something from the inside. Success is when people learn something, and people in times of prosperity when, in success, Shen less than heart to, summarize what is imaginary things natural. Only when the failure, lessons learned is profound, is true.
9. the experience of the past again,red wing shoes online, to sum up the successful conclusion, particularly the lessons of failure, late at night when you think about the dead of night. Anyway, would like to go to bed and think about you actually gain a lot more useful than you read. Because some books away from you, that is to look at his past writing.
10. The most painful time, the most stressful time, my mind there is only one thing, I hire the branch manager of the country at the foot of the northern gate of the place of barren hills, guest houses there, and then bashing the place behind closed doors. You criticize me, criticize the three days and three nights, I think that is very useful.
11. To change inherent in the idea of consumers, the sun is harder than Gordon; but not impossible.
12. The present era, after the details of the determinants of the right strategy, there are many details handled properly, your strategy right, they would fail.
13. Do not just look at the spire, second and third tier markets greater than the line.
14. Management relentless, enthusiastic people.
15. The so-called talent, that you give him one thing, he made a; you go to him one thing, he made out.
warning label society the Chinese world's top 500 companies
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:54 PM   #4
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34345 2008 年 07 月 22 日 10:10 Reading (loading. ..) Comments (13) Category: Personal Diary


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Old 09-16-2011, 12:55 PM   #5
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  大爷,你就要了小女子吧?
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  1、我在沙发上看电视,老婆裹着浴巾坐到我腿上,风情万种地说:“大爷,你就要了小女子吧?”我故意坐 怀不乱:“不要不要,大爷我今天身上没钱!”老婆:“什么钱不钱的,只要让小女子爽了就行,事后补个欠条吧 !”我晕~~~~~这事还有欠账的!    2、我用一只手托起老婆的下巴,挑逗地说:“妞儿,来,给大爷 我唱个曲儿吧!”老婆把我手一拍:“客官,请您放尊重些,小女子我只卖身不卖艺!”惊~~~~~~这下撞枪 口上了!    3、我洗完澡躺在床上看书,老婆从浴室出来一个饿虎扑食把我压在身下,面目狰狞地说:“嘿 嘿,小哥长得不错,Prada Shoes 2011,小女子今天我要尝尝鲜!”我誓死抗争。老婆见我不从,转而温柔道:“大爷,你就从了小女子吧?”我说:“ 给我个理由先!”老婆贼眼滴溜一转:“小女子刚从牢里放出来,好几年没开过荤了!”我的妈~~~~~~~这 理由充
  分,断没有不从的道理!    4、老婆问我:“你们男人老说女人闷骚,闷骚是什么意思?”我说:“闷 骚就是外表端庄,内心火热的意思!”老婆又问:“那你看我算吗?”我假装仔细打量了她一番,然后摇摇头:“ 你不算!”老婆点点头:“我觉得也是,我应该属于明骚。”我心里窃笑:“准确而不全面,Prada Bags!”老婆纳闷了:“那是什么?”我得意地回答:“你属于全骚!”汗~~~~~~~这顿打是少挨不了了!     5、一天晚上陪客户去KTV很晚才回家,刚进家以为老婆睡了,于是蹑手蹑脚到浴室洗澡。刚脱光衣服,老 婆突然出现,厉声喝道:“是不是想毁灭证据?”我吓了一跳,赶忙说:“没有没有,我出去之前已经刀枪入库了 !”老婆嘿嘿地坏笑了两声,伸手摸住我的jj:“嗯,枪还没丢,不过我要检查一下子弹少没少!”乖乖~~~ ~~~~这也有办法检查?她半宿没睡觉就是为了个这?    6、老婆喜欢一切美好的事物,包括帅哥靓女, 陪老婆逛街的最大乐趣就是
  她会到处给我搜罗帅哥靓女以供观赏。一次逛街逛累了,我们坐在星巴克的橱窗前欣赏川行的美女。老婆边直 勾勾地欣赏边傻傻地问我:“你说这么多美女晚上都跟谁同床共枕呀?”我吃惊地瞪了她一眼回答:“**!”老 婆也很吃惊:“啊?那岂不便宜那些**啦?”我简直哭笑不得,用手指弹了一下她的脑袋:“便宜你个头呀!你 说你整天惦记什么呢?满脑袋的高粱花子!我说你是**!”“哦!”老婆似懂非懂地点点头,说了一句气得我肝 疼的话:“那我跟她们睡,你跟谁睡?”无语~~~~~~~~~我倒也想跟她们睡,你不得废了我呀?     7、有一次发了笔小财,回到家把信封朝老婆一扔:“妞儿,上个月表现得不错,这是大爷赏你的小费!”老婆一 副见钱眼开的样子,拿着信封掂了掂,搂住我“吧唧”亲了一口,风情万种地说:“谢大爷,伺候好大爷是小女子 的本分,大爷您常来呀!”我傻乎乎地点点头:“哦,一定一定!”得~~~~~~~简直一对露水鸳鸯!     8
  、老婆有吸进凉风就打嗝的毛病。一天傍晚下班打着嗝就进家了,我关切地问:“是不是又喝风了?”老婆故 装忧愁地叹了口气:“不喝风又怎么办呢?你都好几天没宠幸小女子了,小女子没了进项,只好喝西北风啦!”我 这才想起来有两三天没和老婆爱爱了,于是就上前毛手毛脚起来。老婆一开始还挺配合,到了关键时刻却戛然而止 :“得,我还是继续喝风吧!”我有点摸不着头脑:“为什么?”老婆嫣然一笑:“人家老朋友还没走,不太方便 啦!”我说呢~~~~~~这几天她怎么这么规矩!    9、一个周六,老婆正常休息,我要加班。早晨起来 这家伙死缠烂打和我缠绵了一番,然后心满意足继续睡,我却要满怀疲惫去公司。我跟她打了个招呼正要出卧室, 老婆在身后来了一句:“爷,赶明儿来呀!”我点点头:“来!”“嗯?”多亏我反应快:“哪敢明儿来呀!今晚 就来!”“这还差不多!去吧,小女子继续安睡了!”嚯~~~~~~~~伴妻如伴虎,反应慢了还 真不行!
  10、我和老婆大学时就谈恋爱,那时女生可以进男生宿舍,男生则不可以进女生宿舍。一个深秋的夜晚,我 把老婆惹生气了,老婆把我撇下自己回了宿舍。那时没有手机,老婆住三楼,我就在楼下喊话给她道歉。喊了半天 也没见效果,反而围观的人越来越多。眼看熄灯了,老婆让她舍友从窗户把她的被子扔了下来(被罩是我送的,我 认识),我一看形势不好,赶忙喊:“麻烦再扔个枕头下来吧!”哪知没了下文,伴之而来的是满楼的大笑。好汉 不吃眼前亏,我赶忙跑回宿舍,盖着她的被子裘被拥香了一宿。第二天早晨我还没醒,老婆就站在我面前一把薅起 被子把我扁了一顿:“你个没良心的!害本姑娘冻得流一宿鼻涕,你还蛮自在!”亲人啊~~~~~~你以为我想 呀!    11、有一年冬天格外冷,某个周末我和老婆到公园玩。看见很多人在湖的冰面上滑冰,于是我就邀 请老婆和我上去一起滑,老婆不敢。为证明冰面的结实,我率先垂范先跑到冰面上玩了一圈,看得老婆心里直痒痒 ,终
  于有了跃跃欲试的想法。我从湖中心到岸边接她,离岸还有一米左右的时候,我为了更加证明绝无危险,我还 纵身跃起,结果只听“啪嘎”一声我就掉进了冰窟窿。还好岸边水浅,水只淹到我的腰部,老婆吓得一声尖叫几乎 要哭出来。我费了九牛二虎之力才从泥淖中脱身,在确保我整个人没事之后,老婆很认真地问我:“小弟弟没冻坏 吧?”我忍住钻心酷寒使劲点了点头:“还行,小东西是属北极熊的!”嘶~~~~~~我现在想起来都觉得冷!     12、一个下午,我正上班,Prada Sunglasses,突然接到老婆电话,很焦急的样子:“老公,你赶快过来,我撞人了,在沃尔玛停车场!”我着实吃了一惊,扔 下手头工作奔赴现场。老婆正和一个四十多岁的半老女人纠缠,半老女人的“高尔夫”前保险杠被老婆车撞了一下 ,老婆车的后保险杠也轻微受损,我给半老女人赔了二百块钱,说了一顿好话,老女人被我捧得挺高兴,乐呵乐呵 开车走了。我问老婆:“你撞的人呢?严重不?”老婆赖嘻嘻地说:“刚才倒车的
  时候是碰见一个帅哥,一不留神就把人家后面的车给撞了。我又不知道该赔给人家多少钱,怕被骗了,只好把 你叫来喽!”Godsaveme!~~~~~~这也叫撞人了?你这**的毛病什么时候能改改?    13 、老婆一直对我的小乳头特别感兴趣,晚上睡觉时经常捻着他们入睡。有一次,老婆问我:“你说男人又不喂奶, 长这么两个小东西干什么用?”我想了半天也没想出个所以然。老婆冲我呵呵傻笑,我胡乱说:“难道就是给像你 这样的**玩的?”老婆摇摇头:“不对!”我问:“那是什么?”老婆语出惊人:“我看是起到装饰作用!”“ 什么?”这标新立异的说法让我吃了一惊。“你想呀,男人女人是一样的,女人不喂小孩前乳房起到的是外装饰作 用,男人的这个东西是内装饰作用,要是不长这两个玩意儿,脱光衣服胸前没这么个点缀怎么行?好看吗?”唉~ ~~~~~~老婆没干室内装修设计真是屈了才了!    14、一天晚上我在电脑前玩游戏,老婆在我身后缠 着我
  陪她玩,我不从她就在一旁使坏,一会儿把显示屏合上,一会儿拔鼠标接口,趁我应接不暇的时候,偷偷撤了 我身后的椅子。这时候厨房烧的水开了,老婆蹦蹦??去倒开水,我心中窃喜,可算摆脱这个祸害了。哪知乐极生 悲,我“扑通”一屁股坐在了地板上,几乎与此同时,听到厨房老婆“嗷”地叫了一声,我还以为他被开水烫了, 顾不得自己屁股疼,一个高蹦起来冲进厨房,老婆正倚在厨房门上哈哈大笑,把我气得够呛。老婆拍拍我的肩:“ 别生气啊,这是个考查题,看看我在你心里是不是比你自己重。很荣幸地告诉阁下,你通过测试了!”衰~~~~ ~~~~我还能说什么,赚个好名声总比自己受点小伤害好一些吧!    15、我和老婆都有周末睡懒觉的习 惯。一次我们头天晚上折腾了半宿,我一睁开眼感觉睡了好几天似的,我推醒缠在我身上睡得死猪般的老婆:“看 看表,几点了?”老婆睡眼婆娑地从枕头底下摸出表来看了看:“闹什么闹嘛,刚七点,睡你的吧!”我摸了摸肚 子:
  “我怎么感觉这么饿?想搞点吃的。”老婆一听来了劲:“要不我们继续(爱爱)吧!你没看人家短信上说这 种事既能当饭吃又能当酒喝吗?我们试试吧,你敢不敢?”我还就不服这种挑衅的,于是提刀上马,又酣战了一番 。事情刚完,老妈打来电话,聊了聊家常,问我都中午一点多了吃没吃饭。我这才知道原来老婆这个猪头看倒了表 ,十二点半看成七点。挂了电话,正要找老婆算账,老婆搞出一副崇拜的表情:“老公,你真太勇猛了,这一回我 们竟然做了六个多小时哎!”吐血~~~~~~真要那样,我还不得真来个精尽人亡!    16、大学期间, 有一次跟老婆晚上看电影,因为前一晚跟宿舍的哥们打了通宵扑克,所以看到影片下半部的时候实在困意难支,征 得老婆同意后小眯片刻。不知过了多久,一个女孩(坐在老婆一侧)起身外出,老婆轻轻捅了我一下,我以为电影 演完了,迷迷糊糊站起来拉着女孩的手就往外走。女孩吓了一跳,手拼命外抽,越抽我就攥得越紧,心里还犯嘀咕 :人
  前装那么正经做什么,刚才不是拉手进来的么?最后女孩急了,干脆一屁股坐在我的座位上赖着不走了。我一 回头就看见老婆哧着牙猛笑,旁边女孩的男朋友(一看也是学生)也怒目圆瞪,我赶忙陪上笑脸:“哥们儿,你女 朋友手可真够软的,我说怎么有点不对呢!您太有福了!”围是解了~~~~~~~~出影院后老婆差点没把我给 揍死!    17、有段时间十字绣风行,老婆也加入了绣女大军,晚上进家就大门不出二门不迈地专攻织绣, 把自己搞得跟个纺织女工似的。这倒好,吃完晚饭后我反倒落了个清静,可以不受干扰地上上网玩玩游戏什么的。 可好景不长,老婆说自己一个人绣没意思,非把我拉进队伍,我那个不情愿呀,可是又没什么办法。幸好咱天生就 不是绣花的料,没用半晚上就被老婆辞退了,得到的评语是:“去去去,手硬得跟小弟弟似的,哪儿凉快哪儿呆着 去!”倒~~~~~~原来男人也不是什么地方硬都好的!    18、结婚前买的车,很辛苦跑完了各种手续 ,累
  得我回去仰在床上喘粗气。老婆蹦蹦??跑过来:“这你就撑不住啦?那将来我们结婚办手续的时候你岂不累 得更惨?”我问:“买车跟娶老婆有什么关系?”老婆撇撇嘴:“当然有关系啦!买车要办手续,娶老婆要登记; 买车要加油,老婆要吃饭;买车要保养,老婆要美容……”我说:“那我们就不登记了,就这么过!”老婆眼一瞪 :“要是让你一直试驾,车行还挣什么钱去!”我想了想也是这么个道理,就和她说:“我知道买车和娶老婆最大 差别在哪了!”“什么?”“买车可以办第三者责任险,娶老婆就不行。万一哪天你跟哪个小白脸跑了,我找谁赔 去?”老婆眨眨眼,没话了。不容易啊~~~~~~~~多少年了终于她没有找到理由辩驳我!    19、订 婚的当天晚上,老婆正在卸妆,我傻呵呵地从后面抱住老婆:“小娘子,这回大爷可算给你赎了身了,你以后可就 真的是大爷的人了!”老婆问:“什么么意思?”我解释说:“以前岳父岳母是你的监护人,现在转手交给我了, 这一
  倒手不权当是我给你赎了身么?”老婆转过脸:“我呸!你小子赚了便宜还卖乖,和你说以后对我要更好,不 然本姑娘我就重操旧业!”乖乖~~~~~这话她也说得出口!    20、老婆是个恋我但不纠缠我的人,经 常劝诫我说不要因为迷恋妻室而少了对外的交际,但是有个前提就是对于老婆的召唤要随叫随到,这一点令我很是 感动。有一次跟单位同时在外会餐,九点多,老婆给我发来一条短信。那时我正好刚换了新手机,一个女同事正拿 在手里把玩,一不留心就把短信打开了。只见她马上红了脸,低下头把手机放在一旁,过了三四分钟告诉我:“好 像有你一个短信。”我拿过来一看,只见上面写道:“事还没玩吗?我在家想念你和小弟弟!”我那个糗呀~~~ ~很长一段时间,我见了那女同事总是感觉怪怪的!    21、老婆洗完澡缠着睡裙斜躺在沙发上,捧着一堆 爆米花边吃边悠闲地看着电视,可怜的我则抱着她的一只小脚剪指甲。我打趣说:“看看你,跟个地主老财似的, 就会
  欺负我们贫农下中农。”老婆冲我呵呵傻笑了笑,另一只脚不安分地在我的裆部摩挲。我问:“干什么?”老 婆答:“咋了?地主老财家的闺女调戏你你还不接受?”我说:“别乱来,我可是有老婆的人!”老婆得意地笑着 说:“这还差不多,算你小子不忘本!”哼~~~~~哄老婆开心咱也不傻呀!    22、老婆有个耍小叫阿 琳,在影楼作化妆师,是个美女也很会打扮,老婆跟她好得跟一个人似的,整天阿琳长阿琳短的,弄得我有时都吃 醋。特别是阿琳关于着装打扮的一套理论,老婆简直当成了毛主席语录,决不允许别人提出反对意见。有一次老婆 又在我面前没命地念叨阿琳,我没好气地说:“我看你干脆跟阿琳一起过吧!阿琳都快成我情敌了!”老婆更拽: “你以为我不想跟阿琳过呀,我要是男的我第一个娶的就是阿琳!你还真别激我,回头我把咱家房子卖了做个变性 ,看你怎么办!”我愣了半天眨眨眼:“算了,要是这样还是让阿琳变吧,这样我俩可以共享你,省得 我落单儿,Prada Shoes!”呵
  呵~~~~~还是这办法两全其美!    23、老婆对我抽烟一直持不赞成态度,我以我也一向恐避之而 不及。有一回和老婆参加一个朋友的婚礼,新人给我点上一支烟,我趁老婆不注意,悄悄溜出餐厅在门口抽。还没 抽到一半,老婆在后面猛地一拍我肩膀,我马上笑脸相迎:“这是喜烟,不抽煞人家面子!”老婆哼了一声:“得 ,快别找借口了!你就使劲抽,小心抽得你下面的小兄弟将来细得跟烟卷儿似的!”我在那愣了半天~~~~~可 我始终想不明白抽烟能跟我下面的小兄弟扯上什么关系!    24、第一次到海里游泳的时候,老婆兴奋得跟 个孩子似的,可惜她是个旱鸭子,捶胸顿足后悔当初自己没学会游泳,真有点书到用时方恨少的味道,我只好手把 手教她。可是没过上半个小时这家伙就厌倦了,也许是海边越来越多的帅哥靓女又吸引了她的注意力,于是我们就 站在齐胸深的水中嬉戏,过了一会儿这家伙手就不安分起来,竟然伸进了我的泳裤攥住了我的小弟弟。我劝阻她说 :“
  这儿人多,你以为是在家里呢,让人看见多不好!”老婆不以为然地回答:“这里水深,谁能看见!再说了, 你没看人家短信上说,小男孩洗澡还要拽住他爸爸的jj以防摔倒呢,我也害怕摔倒,万一我摔倒了被海水呛死你 可就没老婆了!”God~~~~~~~头一回听说海水中还能摔倒呛死人!    25、老婆具有强烈的身材 保护意识,一般晚上睡觉前的仰卧起坐是例行的必修课目,每回都要求我压在她的小腿上。有一次我故意捣乱,干 脆坐跨在她的腿上,随着她上身的每次起伏我就用双手抓她的胸部。老婆有点上火:“去去,别捣乱!”我嬉皮笑 脸地说:“我这是在帮你保持良好身材,别不识好人心,Prada Bags Sale!”老婆一脸茫然:“怎么说?”我装出一本正经的样子:“那是哪本权威瘦身杂志说的来着,名字我忘了,瘦腰 和丰胸必须是同步进行的,你看你的小蛮腰都不到一尺九了吧,我再帮你按摩按摩胸,成比例发展嘛!”老婆眨眨 眼:“说得好象有一定道理,那好,来,你继续!”乖乖~~~
  ~~~真给自己揽了个大活儿,有人说就有人信!    26、同老婆一起出的最大一次丑至今仍记得。有 年夏天,应朋友之邀我们乘火车去苏州,因为无聊,我们坐在卧铺车厢的边凳上一人扯着一根MP3耳机线听歌, 我手里还捧着一本地图册研究下车后的路线。这时一位身材出众的女孩从我的身后款款走过来,老婆用脚踢了几下 我的脚,我还没反应过来,回问了一句:“啥事儿?”哪知声音太大把我们铺位隔档的剩余四双眼睛目光都吸引了 过来。老婆一把扯下了我耳朵上的耳机线,很急切地对我说:“你快看那美女!她的腿真长真白呀!”那声音大的 ,半拉车厢的人都探出头来往我们这里看,我们同一隔档的四个人当时就笑翻了。令我最感到意外的是那美女竟然 头也没回,直到现在我还有点遗憾当时没看到她的正脸。    27、前几天是我们的两周年结婚纪念日,庆祝 了一整天终于等到了晚上风花雪月的时刻。老婆乖巧如兔般蜷缩在床上,我心中暗喜,却故意使坏磨蹭时间。过了 一会
  儿,我故意逗她说:“请问娘子值此大婚两周年之际还有什么心愿需要满足呀?”老婆粉面含羞道:“我还想 品味恋爱时第一次make的感觉!”我兴奋至极,鱼跃般蹿上床去,哪知被老婆一个飞腿踹到一边,差点滚到床 下。“干什么你?”我感到莫名其妙。老婆呵呵大笑:“活该!我说是要跟你了吗?还想调本姑娘胃口,我看你还 嫩点!”    28、一年夏天,我和老婆去一处位于乡下的度假村消夏,夜里我们做完功课,我从后面抱着老 婆一同准备入睡,可是屋外池塘青蛙的啼叫声却不能让我们安眠。许久,老婆转身把大腿跨在我身上,狠狠骂道: “这该死的青蛙真讨厌,大晚上不睡觉,嚎什么嚎?”我同情地捋了捋她的头发:“你就忍忍吧,人家这也是在求 偶呢,都不容易呀!”“那它们白天干什么去了?”老婆有点不屑。“青蛙是两栖冷血动物,白天太晒,会把它们 的皮肤晒裂的。”我耐着心解释。“那它们藏在水里不就好了?”老婆振振有词。“哦……也是呀!”我好像有点 被说
  服。突然老婆哈哈大笑起来,我一头雾水地问:“你傻笑什么?又出什么妖蛾子?”“我知道为什么他们不敢 在水里谈情说爱了!”老婆得意地说。“为啥?”“一定是母青蛙害怕在水下搞会得妇科病,那样可就麻烦了!” 额滴神~~~~~~~~~简直语不惊人死不休,黑暗中我都快崩溃了!    29、有一回要去杭州出差半个 月,把消息告诉老婆的时候老婆显得格外郁闷。其实老婆一直很想去杭州,想去见识这座有着白娘子和许仙的美丽 传说、充满着浪漫气息的城市,我们也曾经幻想着有一天一起到杭州的时候一定学着白娘子和许仙那样分别从断桥 的两头一起向桥中奔跑相抱。这次我也很想带老婆去,可是老婆工作忙实在脱不开身。我安慰她说:“虽然我要去 半个月,但是我向你保证这次到杭州我哪也不去玩,等有机会咱俩一起去,把新鲜感留到那时候!”哪知老婆来了 句:“婚前同居并不能代表将来的婚姻不幸福,只要你记得从一而终就好了!”我眨着眼睛寻思了半天,终于想明 白老
  婆这是在开导我。    30、有一次,老婆的大学宿舍老大夫妇从外地来我们这边旅游,晚上我们请吃饭 。我和她们老大大学里就认识,所以也就不怎么拘束,而老大的老公是干技术的,人挺腼腆。我们在餐桌上有说有 笑,进行到一半的时候老大的老公就借口去卫生间走开了。老大望着老公的背影叹了口气:“人是个好人,对我也 算好,可就是太木讷了,不解风情,哪像你们家这个,从大学到现在对你百般呵护,又懂生活又浪漫,我们家的要 是有他一半优秀就好了!”本以为老婆会高兴,只见老婆一本正经地把筷子放到桌上,眨眨眼说:“打住,打住! 老大,你能不能告诉我这次来的真实目的是什么?我怎么感觉你是专程来打我们家老公主意的?有件事咱必须说清 楚了,我们姊妹归姊妹,老公还是要分明白的!”我刚喝了一口啤酒差点喷到老大脸上!
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:54 PM   #6
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  大爷,你就要了小女子吧?
  苏小逆QQ:469655389 。推荐
  1、我在沙发上看电视,老婆裹着浴巾坐到我腿上,风情万种地说:“大爷,你就要了小女子吧?”我故意坐 怀不乱:“不要不要,大爷我今天身上没钱!”老婆:“什么钱不钱的,只要让小女子爽了就行,事后补个欠条吧 !”我晕~~~~~这事还有欠账的!    2、我用一只手托起老婆的下巴,挑逗地说:“妞儿,来,给大爷 我唱个曲儿吧!”老婆把我手一拍:“客官,请您放尊重些,小女子我只卖身不卖艺!”惊~~~~~~这下撞枪 口上了!    3、我洗完澡躺在床上看书,老婆从浴室出来一个饿虎扑食把我压在身下,面目狰狞地说:“嘿 嘿,小哥长得不错,Prada Shoes 2011,小女子今天我要尝尝鲜!”我誓死抗争。老婆见我不从,转而温柔道:“大爷,你就从了小女子吧?”我说:“ 给我个理由先!”老婆贼眼滴溜一转:“小女子刚从牢里放出来,好几年没开过荤了!”我的妈~~~~~~~这 理由充
  分,断没有不从的道理!    4、老婆问我:“你们男人老说女人闷骚,闷骚是什么意思?”我说:“闷 骚就是外表端庄,内心火热的意思!”老婆又问:“那你看我算吗?”我假装仔细打量了她一番,然后摇摇头:“ 你不算!”老婆点点头:“我觉得也是,我应该属于明骚。”我心里窃笑:“准确而不全面,Prada Bags!”老婆纳闷了:“那是什么?”我得意地回答:“你属于全骚!”汗~~~~~~~这顿打是少挨不了了!     5、一天晚上陪客户去KTV很晚才回家,刚进家以为老婆睡了,于是蹑手蹑脚到浴室洗澡。刚脱光衣服,老 婆突然出现,厉声喝道:“是不是想毁灭证据?”我吓了一跳,赶忙说:“没有没有,我出去之前已经刀枪入库了 !”老婆嘿嘿地坏笑了两声,伸手摸住我的jj:“嗯,枪还没丢,不过我要检查一下子弹少没少!”乖乖~~~ ~~~~这也有办法检查?她半宿没睡觉就是为了个这?    6、老婆喜欢一切美好的事物,包括帅哥靓女, 陪老婆逛街的最大乐趣就是
  她会到处给我搜罗帅哥靓女以供观赏。一次逛街逛累了,我们坐在星巴克的橱窗前欣赏川行的美女。老婆边直 勾勾地欣赏边傻傻地问我:“你说这么多美女晚上都跟谁同床共枕呀?”我吃惊地瞪了她一眼回答:“**!”老 婆也很吃惊:“啊?那岂不便宜那些**啦?”我简直哭笑不得,用手指弹了一下她的脑袋:“便宜你个头呀!你 说你整天惦记什么呢?满脑袋的高粱花子!我说你是**!”“哦!”老婆似懂非懂地点点头,说了一句气得我肝 疼的话:“那我跟她们睡,你跟谁睡?”无语~~~~~~~~~我倒也想跟她们睡,你不得废了我呀?     7、有一次发了笔小财,回到家把信封朝老婆一扔:“妞儿,上个月表现得不错,这是大爷赏你的小费!”老婆一 副见钱眼开的样子,拿着信封掂了掂,搂住我“吧唧”亲了一口,风情万种地说:“谢大爷,伺候好大爷是小女子 的本分,大爷您常来呀!”我傻乎乎地点点头:“哦,一定一定!”得~~~~~~~简直一对露水鸳鸯!     8
  、老婆有吸进凉风就打嗝的毛病。一天傍晚下班打着嗝就进家了,我关切地问:“是不是又喝风了?”老婆故 装忧愁地叹了口气:“不喝风又怎么办呢?你都好几天没宠幸小女子了,小女子没了进项,只好喝西北风啦!”我 这才想起来有两三天没和老婆爱爱了,于是就上前毛手毛脚起来。老婆一开始还挺配合,到了关键时刻却戛然而止 :“得,我还是继续喝风吧!”我有点摸不着头脑:“为什么?”老婆嫣然一笑:“人家老朋友还没走,不太方便 啦!”我说呢~~~~~~这几天她怎么这么规矩!    9、一个周六,老婆正常休息,我要加班。早晨起来 这家伙死缠烂打和我缠绵了一番,然后心满意足继续睡,我却要满怀疲惫去公司。我跟她打了个招呼正要出卧室, 老婆在身后来了一句:“爷,赶明儿来呀!”我点点头:“来!”“嗯?”多亏我反应快:“哪敢明儿来呀!今晚 就来!”“这还差不多!去吧,小女子继续安睡了!”嚯~~~~~~~~伴妻如伴虎,反应慢了还 真不行!
  10、我和老婆大学时就谈恋爱,那时女生可以进男生宿舍,男生则不可以进女生宿舍。一个深秋的夜晚,我 把老婆惹生气了,老婆把我撇下自己回了宿舍。那时没有手机,老婆住三楼,我就在楼下喊话给她道歉。喊了半天 也没见效果,反而围观的人越来越多。眼看熄灯了,老婆让她舍友从窗户把她的被子扔了下来(被罩是我送的,我 认识),我一看形势不好,赶忙喊:“麻烦再扔个枕头下来吧!”哪知没了下文,伴之而来的是满楼的大笑。好汉 不吃眼前亏,我赶忙跑回宿舍,盖着她的被子裘被拥香了一宿。第二天早晨我还没醒,老婆就站在我面前一把薅起 被子把我扁了一顿:“你个没良心的!害本姑娘冻得流一宿鼻涕,你还蛮自在!”亲人啊~~~~~~你以为我想 呀!    11、有一年冬天格外冷,某个周末我和老婆到公园玩。看见很多人在湖的冰面上滑冰,于是我就邀 请老婆和我上去一起滑,老婆不敢。为证明冰面的结实,我率先垂范先跑到冰面上玩了一圈,看得老婆心里直痒痒 ,终
  于有了跃跃欲试的想法。我从湖中心到岸边接她,离岸还有一米左右的时候,我为了更加证明绝无危险,我还 纵身跃起,结果只听“啪嘎”一声我就掉进了冰窟窿。还好岸边水浅,水只淹到我的腰部,老婆吓得一声尖叫几乎 要哭出来。我费了九牛二虎之力才从泥淖中脱身,在确保我整个人没事之后,老婆很认真地问我:“小弟弟没冻坏 吧?”我忍住钻心酷寒使劲点了点头:“还行,小东西是属北极熊的!”嘶~~~~~~我现在想起来都觉得冷!     12、一个下午,我正上班,Prada Sunglasses,突然接到老婆电话,很焦急的样子:“老公,你赶快过来,我撞人了,在沃尔玛停车场!”我着实吃了一惊,扔 下手头工作奔赴现场。老婆正和一个四十多岁的半老女人纠缠,半老女人的“高尔夫”前保险杠被老婆车撞了一下 ,老婆车的后保险杠也轻微受损,我给半老女人赔了二百块钱,说了一顿好话,老女人被我捧得挺高兴,乐呵乐呵 开车走了。我问老婆:“你撞的人呢?严重不?”老婆赖嘻嘻地说:“刚才倒车的
  时候是碰见一个帅哥,一不留神就把人家后面的车给撞了。我又不知道该赔给人家多少钱,怕被骗了,只好把 你叫来喽!”Godsaveme!~~~~~~这也叫撞人了?你这**的毛病什么时候能改改?    13 、老婆一直对我的小乳头特别感兴趣,晚上睡觉时经常捻着他们入睡。有一次,老婆问我:“你说男人又不喂奶, 长这么两个小东西干什么用?”我想了半天也没想出个所以然。老婆冲我呵呵傻笑,我胡乱说:“难道就是给像你 这样的**玩的?”老婆摇摇头:“不对!”我问:“那是什么?”老婆语出惊人:“我看是起到装饰作用!”“ 什么?”这标新立异的说法让我吃了一惊。“你想呀,男人女人是一样的,女人不喂小孩前乳房起到的是外装饰作 用,男人的这个东西是内装饰作用,要是不长这两个玩意儿,脱光衣服胸前没这么个点缀怎么行?好看吗?”唉~ ~~~~~~老婆没干室内装修设计真是屈了才了!    14、一天晚上我在电脑前玩游戏,老婆在我身后缠 着我
  陪她玩,我不从她就在一旁使坏,一会儿把显示屏合上,一会儿拔鼠标接口,趁我应接不暇的时候,偷偷撤了 我身后的椅子。这时候厨房烧的水开了,老婆蹦蹦??去倒开水,我心中窃喜,可算摆脱这个祸害了。哪知乐极生 悲,我“扑通”一屁股坐在了地板上,几乎与此同时,听到厨房老婆“嗷”地叫了一声,我还以为他被开水烫了, 顾不得自己屁股疼,一个高蹦起来冲进厨房,老婆正倚在厨房门上哈哈大笑,把我气得够呛。老婆拍拍我的肩:“ 别生气啊,这是个考查题,看看我在你心里是不是比你自己重。很荣幸地告诉阁下,你通过测试了!”衰~~~~ ~~~~我还能说什么,赚个好名声总比自己受点小伤害好一些吧!    15、我和老婆都有周末睡懒觉的习 惯。一次我们头天晚上折腾了半宿,我一睁开眼感觉睡了好几天似的,我推醒缠在我身上睡得死猪般的老婆:“看 看表,几点了?”老婆睡眼婆娑地从枕头底下摸出表来看了看:“闹什么闹嘛,刚七点,睡你的吧!”我摸了摸肚 子:
  “我怎么感觉这么饿?想搞点吃的。”老婆一听来了劲:“要不我们继续(爱爱)吧!你没看人家短信上说这 种事既能当饭吃又能当酒喝吗?我们试试吧,你敢不敢?”我还就不服这种挑衅的,于是提刀上马,又酣战了一番 。事情刚完,老妈打来电话,聊了聊家常,问我都中午一点多了吃没吃饭。我这才知道原来老婆这个猪头看倒了表 ,十二点半看成七点。挂了电话,正要找老婆算账,老婆搞出一副崇拜的表情:“老公,你真太勇猛了,这一回我 们竟然做了六个多小时哎!”吐血~~~~~~真要那样,我还不得真来个精尽人亡!    16、大学期间, 有一次跟老婆晚上看电影,因为前一晚跟宿舍的哥们打了通宵扑克,所以看到影片下半部的时候实在困意难支,征 得老婆同意后小眯片刻。不知过了多久,一个女孩(坐在老婆一侧)起身外出,老婆轻轻捅了我一下,我以为电影 演完了,迷迷糊糊站起来拉着女孩的手就往外走。女孩吓了一跳,手拼命外抽,越抽我就攥得越紧,心里还犯嘀咕 :人
  前装那么正经做什么,刚才不是拉手进来的么?最后女孩急了,干脆一屁股坐在我的座位上赖着不走了。我一 回头就看见老婆哧着牙猛笑,旁边女孩的男朋友(一看也是学生)也怒目圆瞪,我赶忙陪上笑脸:“哥们儿,你女 朋友手可真够软的,我说怎么有点不对呢!您太有福了!”围是解了~~~~~~~~出影院后老婆差点没把我给 揍死!    17、有段时间十字绣风行,老婆也加入了绣女大军,晚上进家就大门不出二门不迈地专攻织绣, 把自己搞得跟个纺织女工似的。这倒好,吃完晚饭后我反倒落了个清静,可以不受干扰地上上网玩玩游戏什么的。 可好景不长,老婆说自己一个人绣没意思,非把我拉进队伍,我那个不情愿呀,可是又没什么办法。幸好咱天生就 不是绣花的料,没用半晚上就被老婆辞退了,得到的评语是:“去去去,手硬得跟小弟弟似的,哪儿凉快哪儿呆着 去!”倒~~~~~~原来男人也不是什么地方硬都好的!    18、结婚前买的车,很辛苦跑完了各种手续 ,累
  得我回去仰在床上喘粗气。老婆蹦蹦??跑过来:“这你就撑不住啦?那将来我们结婚办手续的时候你岂不累 得更惨?”我问:“买车跟娶老婆有什么关系?”老婆撇撇嘴:“当然有关系啦!买车要办手续,娶老婆要登记; 买车要加油,老婆要吃饭;买车要保养,老婆要美容……”我说:“那我们就不登记了,就这么过!”老婆眼一瞪 :“要是让你一直试驾,车行还挣什么钱去!”我想了想也是这么个道理,就和她说:“我知道买车和娶老婆最大 差别在哪了!”“什么?”“买车可以办第三者责任险,娶老婆就不行。万一哪天你跟哪个小白脸跑了,我找谁赔 去?”老婆眨眨眼,没话了。不容易啊~~~~~~~~多少年了终于她没有找到理由辩驳我!    19、订 婚的当天晚上,老婆正在卸妆,我傻呵呵地从后面抱住老婆:“小娘子,这回大爷可算给你赎了身了,你以后可就 真的是大爷的人了!”老婆问:“什么么意思?”我解释说:“以前岳父岳母是你的监护人,现在转手交给我了, 这一
  倒手不权当是我给你赎了身么?”老婆转过脸:“我呸!你小子赚了便宜还卖乖,和你说以后对我要更好,不 然本姑娘我就重操旧业!”乖乖~~~~~这话她也说得出口!    20、老婆是个恋我但不纠缠我的人,经 常劝诫我说不要因为迷恋妻室而少了对外的交际,但是有个前提就是对于老婆的召唤要随叫随到,这一点令我很是 感动。有一次跟单位同时在外会餐,九点多,老婆给我发来一条短信。那时我正好刚换了新手机,一个女同事正拿 在手里把玩,一不留心就把短信打开了。只见她马上红了脸,低下头把手机放在一旁,过了三四分钟告诉我:“好 像有你一个短信。”我拿过来一看,只见上面写道:“事还没玩吗?我在家想念你和小弟弟!”我那个糗呀~~~ ~很长一段时间,我见了那女同事总是感觉怪怪的!    21、老婆洗完澡缠着睡裙斜躺在沙发上,捧着一堆 爆米花边吃边悠闲地看着电视,可怜的我则抱着她的一只小脚剪指甲。我打趣说:“看看你,跟个地主老财似的, 就会
  欺负我们贫农下中农。”老婆冲我呵呵傻笑了笑,另一只脚不安分地在我的裆部摩挲。我问:“干什么?”老 婆答:“咋了?地主老财家的闺女调戏你你还不接受?”我说:“别乱来,我可是有老婆的人!”老婆得意地笑着 说:“这还差不多,算你小子不忘本!”哼~~~~~哄老婆开心咱也不傻呀!    22、老婆有个耍小叫阿 琳,在影楼作化妆师,是个美女也很会打扮,老婆跟她好得跟一个人似的,整天阿琳长阿琳短的,弄得我有时都吃 醋。特别是阿琳关于着装打扮的一套理论,老婆简直当成了毛主席语录,决不允许别人提出反对意见。有一次老婆 又在我面前没命地念叨阿琳,我没好气地说:“我看你干脆跟阿琳一起过吧!阿琳都快成我情敌了!”老婆更拽: “你以为我不想跟阿琳过呀,我要是男的我第一个娶的就是阿琳!你还真别激我,回头我把咱家房子卖了做个变性 ,看你怎么办!”我愣了半天眨眨眼:“算了,要是这样还是让阿琳变吧,这样我俩可以共享你,省得 我落单儿,Prada Shoes!”呵
  呵~~~~~还是这办法两全其美!    23、老婆对我抽烟一直持不赞成态度,我以我也一向恐避之而 不及。有一回和老婆参加一个朋友的婚礼,新人给我点上一支烟,我趁老婆不注意,悄悄溜出餐厅在门口抽。还没 抽到一半,老婆在后面猛地一拍我肩膀,我马上笑脸相迎:“这是喜烟,不抽煞人家面子!”老婆哼了一声:“得 ,快别找借口了!你就使劲抽,小心抽得你下面的小兄弟将来细得跟烟卷儿似的!”我在那愣了半天~~~~~可 我始终想不明白抽烟能跟我下面的小兄弟扯上什么关系!    24、第一次到海里游泳的时候,老婆兴奋得跟 个孩子似的,可惜她是个旱鸭子,捶胸顿足后悔当初自己没学会游泳,真有点书到用时方恨少的味道,我只好手把 手教她。可是没过上半个小时这家伙就厌倦了,也许是海边越来越多的帅哥靓女又吸引了她的注意力,于是我们就 站在齐胸深的水中嬉戏,过了一会儿这家伙手就不安分起来,竟然伸进了我的泳裤攥住了我的小弟弟。我劝阻她说 :“
  这儿人多,你以为是在家里呢,让人看见多不好!”老婆不以为然地回答:“这里水深,谁能看见!再说了, 你没看人家短信上说,小男孩洗澡还要拽住他爸爸的jj以防摔倒呢,我也害怕摔倒,万一我摔倒了被海水呛死你 可就没老婆了!”God~~~~~~~头一回听说海水中还能摔倒呛死人!    25、老婆具有强烈的身材 保护意识,一般晚上睡觉前的仰卧起坐是例行的必修课目,每回都要求我压在她的小腿上。有一次我故意捣乱,干 脆坐跨在她的腿上,随着她上身的每次起伏我就用双手抓她的胸部。老婆有点上火:“去去,别捣乱!”我嬉皮笑 脸地说:“我这是在帮你保持良好身材,别不识好人心,Prada Bags Sale!”老婆一脸茫然:“怎么说?”我装出一本正经的样子:“那是哪本权威瘦身杂志说的来着,名字我忘了,瘦腰 和丰胸必须是同步进行的,你看你的小蛮腰都不到一尺九了吧,我再帮你按摩按摩胸,成比例发展嘛!”老婆眨眨 眼:“说得好象有一定道理,那好,来,你继续!”乖乖~~~
  ~~~真给自己揽了个大活儿,有人说就有人信!    26、同老婆一起出的最大一次丑至今仍记得。有 年夏天,应朋友之邀我们乘火车去苏州,因为无聊,我们坐在卧铺车厢的边凳上一人扯着一根MP3耳机线听歌, 我手里还捧着一本地图册研究下车后的路线。这时一位身材出众的女孩从我的身后款款走过来,老婆用脚踢了几下 我的脚,我还没反应过来,回问了一句:“啥事儿?”哪知声音太大把我们铺位隔档的剩余四双眼睛目光都吸引了 过来。老婆一把扯下了我耳朵上的耳机线,很急切地对我说:“你快看那美女!她的腿真长真白呀!”那声音大的 ,半拉车厢的人都探出头来往我们这里看,我们同一隔档的四个人当时就笑翻了。令我最感到意外的是那美女竟然 头也没回,直到现在我还有点遗憾当时没看到她的正脸。    27、前几天是我们的两周年结婚纪念日,庆祝 了一整天终于等到了晚上风花雪月的时刻。老婆乖巧如兔般蜷缩在床上,我心中暗喜,却故意使坏磨蹭时间。过了 一会
  儿,我故意逗她说:“请问娘子值此大婚两周年之际还有什么心愿需要满足呀?”老婆粉面含羞道:“我还想 品味恋爱时第一次make的感觉!”我兴奋至极,鱼跃般蹿上床去,哪知被老婆一个飞腿踹到一边,差点滚到床 下。“干什么你?”我感到莫名其妙。老婆呵呵大笑:“活该!我说是要跟你了吗?还想调本姑娘胃口,我看你还 嫩点!”    28、一年夏天,我和老婆去一处位于乡下的度假村消夏,夜里我们做完功课,我从后面抱着老 婆一同准备入睡,可是屋外池塘青蛙的啼叫声却不能让我们安眠。许久,老婆转身把大腿跨在我身上,狠狠骂道: “这该死的青蛙真讨厌,大晚上不睡觉,嚎什么嚎?”我同情地捋了捋她的头发:“你就忍忍吧,人家这也是在求 偶呢,都不容易呀!”“那它们白天干什么去了?”老婆有点不屑。“青蛙是两栖冷血动物,白天太晒,会把它们 的皮肤晒裂的。”我耐着心解释。“那它们藏在水里不就好了?”老婆振振有词。“哦……也是呀!”我好像有点 被说
  服。突然老婆哈哈大笑起来,我一头雾水地问:“你傻笑什么?又出什么妖蛾子?”“我知道为什么他们不敢 在水里谈情说爱了!”老婆得意地说。“为啥?”“一定是母青蛙害怕在水下搞会得妇科病,那样可就麻烦了!” 额滴神~~~~~~~~~简直语不惊人死不休,黑暗中我都快崩溃了!    29、有一回要去杭州出差半个 月,把消息告诉老婆的时候老婆显得格外郁闷。其实老婆一直很想去杭州,想去见识这座有着白娘子和许仙的美丽 传说、充满着浪漫气息的城市,我们也曾经幻想着有一天一起到杭州的时候一定学着白娘子和许仙那样分别从断桥 的两头一起向桥中奔跑相抱。这次我也很想带老婆去,可是老婆工作忙实在脱不开身。我安慰她说:“虽然我要去 半个月,但是我向你保证这次到杭州我哪也不去玩,等有机会咱俩一起去,把新鲜感留到那时候!”哪知老婆来了 句:“婚前同居并不能代表将来的婚姻不幸福,只要你记得从一而终就好了!”我眨着眼睛寻思了半天,终于想明 白老
  婆这是在开导我。    30、有一次,老婆的大学宿舍老大夫妇从外地来我们这边旅游,晚上我们请吃饭 。我和她们老大大学里就认识,所以也就不怎么拘束,而老大的老公是干技术的,人挺腼腆。我们在餐桌上有说有 笑,进行到一半的时候老大的老公就借口去卫生间走开了。老大望着老公的背影叹了口气:“人是个好人,对我也 算好,可就是太木讷了,不解风情,哪像你们家这个,从大学到现在对你百般呵护,又懂生活又浪漫,我们家的要 是有他一半优秀就好了!”本以为老婆会高兴,只见老婆一本正经地把筷子放到桌上,眨眨眼说:“打住,打住! 老大,你能不能告诉我这次来的真实目的是什么?我怎么感觉你是专程来打我们家老公主意的?有件事咱必须说清 楚了,我们姊妹归姊妹,老公还是要分明白的!”我刚喝了一口啤酒差点喷到老大脸上!
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